I was asked an interesting question this week. I was asked what I have been doing lately. Hmmm.....I figured out the question meant 'what was I doing for myself'. Funny, I think I am satisfied without worrying too much WHAT I am doing for myself. What I do for myself generally is take care of my family. That is still doing something for myself. The question was initially perplexing because I thought it was pretty obvious what I have been doing. I truly enjoy spending time with my family. I can't say I love the clutter but overall I do a lot more with them than just do their laundry. We pray together, sing together, learn together, eat together, work together and the list goes on. When I look into their eyes I see another person who looks back into my eyes and I value what I see. I value their individuality. I am not ashamed of 'just' being their mom. True I do teach them too but this is not drudgery. We have our daily challenges which mostly amount to being frustrated by whining or not listening but that really is not that bad.
I think there is an assumption that people can not be happy unless they are somehow being fulfilled with something outside their families. I am not sure I am explaining this exactly right, but the emphasis on outside fulfillment just pulls the family apart. Even the kids do not HAVE to be constantly socially plugged in. It makes me very happy to hear my kids express that they miss each other when one is away. The nine of them all together will most likely not be all together much longer. Anna is already away at school but she is still part of our home family for now.
So what have I been doing???? What I am supposed to do or at least I thought so.
The "what are you doing?" question might not have been intended negatively in any way. Maybe she was just interested in what you were doing?
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean this as negative. The rest of the conversation led in that direction but takes too many words. Sorry. Should have been more clear. The conversation itself was not bad at all. It just made me think about how 'what we are doing' tends to mean things other than just doing the obvious and not something glamorous. Again - sorry if I wasn't clear. It is all good.
ReplyDeleteKarin, thank you for the musings here. Seems that I've faced the same question too many times in the last month, and for me it did come with negative connotations. Although I doubt people would consciously think that what I'm doing is worthless, their questions and suggestions imply that I should/could be doing so much more.
ReplyDeleteThanks Susan. Perhaps the better way to put all this is, what I do is really invisible to others in many ways. It would take a long time to explain it all and the thought and effort which go into it. If I take on more right now, it would detract from my invisible life. I don't mean at all that there aren't those who 'get it'. It is just interesting to me that I should be doing more!
ReplyDeleteYes! What's hard is how to respond about that invisible-work when you're told to your face that you should be taking on more. Do you just bite your lip and breathe deeply and be patient with their lack of understanding, or do you try to explain? (I'm talking about the people who are kind of close to you, not the casual onlooker who may be judgmental.)
ReplyDeleteNod and smile, nod and smile. I am getting into this mode of being able to push delete for the most part. I did make a list of everything I did in one day once. Perhaps I should post it. It was pretty eye opening. Nodding and smiling is probably better also because we then spend way too long reliving our explanations and wondering if we 'explained it adequately' and this ruminating also takes time. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I shouldn't post it as we all have stuff to do and it would smack of whining. I am also in an anti-whining mode.
ReplyDelete"I think there is an assumption that people can not be happy unless they are somehow being fulfilled with something outside their families."
ReplyDeleteI agree whole-heartedly. I am happier now, staying home, cleaning my house and raising my son, than I ever was doing what I wanted to do-teach.