Family women

It's our youngest daughter's birthday tomorrow.  This week is the first time in eighteen years, that we won't have two sisters at home and Ingrid will be alone in the fort.   She isn't completely alone, as she has me, but with three brothers still in the roost, it still will be a lot different.   I hope that she and I will be able to keep each other encouraged with the feminine side of life and support in the sea of testosterone.  

I can already see her gravitating more to me, since her next oldest sister was dropped at school last week.   More hugs, more visits to mom in the evening, more of myself getting a lump in my throat with changes in the family.   She will actually receive more from me than her sisters did, since more have flown the coop and I can focus more on individuals.   I'm sorry for the parts of me which weren't able to invest a bit more with the others, but there again I'm not as each scenario has is plusses and minuses.   We are all very good at getting down on ourselves, or at least I am, and fail to see the benefits to those situations which have been challenging in our past.   I can't assume that my little family of four at home, will not thrive with the new dynamics.   I hope the last four kids can finish off my career of at home kids with a bang.  

Everything gets a bit better when I praise, pray and give thanks and remember who has walked along the way with me.   It isn't all or nothing.   I'm probably too aware of all the nuances and second guess myself more than I should.   Ingrid will get the best of her mom which is now and the family girls hopefully will feel bonded together.  

And so it goes.  

With my eyes closed

I hear something which is a much different experience than with them open.   I have come to love closing my eyes during most of the liturgical settings at church.   My very favorite time to do so is during the Sanctus.   If I open my ears during this time, I hear a foretaste of things to come.   These same people I sing with on Sunday, will sing with me in eternity.   The same people who have gone before me and are with Christ, who sang with me earlier in my life, will sing with me in eternity and ARE singing with me.   Opening my ears to hear as we open our lips and our mouth declare His praise.   THESE ARE my favorite few minutes of the week.  

Today's Joy

It is precious to me to spend time with the kids.   The kids from 21 to going on 2 are all amazing to me.   I find joy watching their antics and in the little things.   Today's joy included watching my 16 year old run across the field to his turkeys with the same childlike enthusiasm as he always has had.   Joyfully bouncing off to do his thing. 

Ingrid, 3, went to the store with Matthew and I after church this evening and she too was walk/skipping along as we went.   This sweetness just simply gives me a THRILL!    She was wearing a Christmas looking dress with pink sandals and jabbering away about how she fell asleep on the way to church and that now she was awake!   Cool!

Evan, almost 2, reveled in morning kisses this morning.   I was gone for nearly a week so feeling his little arms hugging my neck was mommy bliss.   Taking pause to let him just stay there and hold on tight instead of my running off to get something done was definitely the right choice.

Stefan this evening paid attention throughout the whole service.   He sang with the familiar parts of Evening Prayer and his little face kept beaming at me the whole time.   He asked me his serious questions and one of them was inquiring if we were at church for Confession and Absolution.   Love that kid.   No dear......not today. 

Then when I give them all a close look I think about how in a few years they will all be older and older and how much I try to hang onto these moments.   Tomorrow is a new day to revel so I will go with that and enjoy each memory as it comes.   There is much to be thankful for.