Children are people not objects

Children are a difficult subject to adults.   They come into the world and few can resist their sweet expressions and adorable stretches.   With nine children in the family, I realize how quickly the wonder of a new baby passes.   I do remember the joy on children's faces, the smiles of older people at church, and even strangers  at little infant people who mostly sleep and then they cry and other things.   Some babies need to be walked endlessly but they are little people and we want them to be comforted, so the ideal is to comfort them.   

Like puppies they get bigger with lightning speed and start insisting on some things which the adult in the world has to keep pushing forward in care for them.   I have heard from so many how exhausted they are with their kids and they're speaking the truth.   Having children definitely takes the focus off oneself or at least it should.   Parenting is exhausting for sure as it pushes us beyond ourselves.   

Children do need help.   No matter what a child's age is, even the infant actually needs a relationship with their parent and caregivers.   This seems really obvious but frankly I see so many examples of where children are treated as objects and not people.   All people, not just adults are in a relationship with those around them.  Adults all can fall into the trap of merely ordering children around and relationship ends up being built on the children's jumping to do our bid and call.   The attitude of children as servants should nauseate and not be the first approach.

Perhaps the art of relating to children as people like ourselves is because we are torn between the care they need and how much we don't want to give of ourselves to others.   Yelling at and mocking children is out there.    If I were the incredible hulk, I would transform regularly at disregard for a child's ability to understand and the shame and rejection  they feel at the way they are spoken to and about.

Talking about children out loud in their presence, as if they aren't in the same room, whether the topic seems innocent and fine as we are 'concerned' about their struggles, the effect is the same since the children can and do hear what adults say.  Imagine that.   Speaking ill of them to friends and relatives is actually not a good plan at all as it reinforces in others a negative opinion of the child and degrades their ability to do better.  Adults who hear these things and parents who hold so tightly to talking about their objects of possession, also known as their offspring, in front of others, on the phone, on facebook and other places should know that their words do have an effect on their children even if the words seem innocent or 'helpful'.  

One way I like to look at the concept of children as people, is that I look in their eyes and can see their feelings in emotions right there.   I imagine how I would feel if spoken to in the manner they have been spoken to.   Is it okay to speak to an adult that way or would the abusive tone be considered rude and abusive?   Seriously.   

Three adults are standing within close proximity of each other and two of the adults begin having interchanges about the third adult right in front of him as if he weren't there.    The third adult would feel all sort of things which might include feeling invisible, less than human, embarrassed, awkwardness.   If the same three adults were colleagues, speaking about one person in front of them to another would certainly be considered inappropriate.  The concept is exactly the same with adults in children in a room as all three are people.  The associative property comes to mind.   

Talking about children in front of them or in back of them, should give us pause to think if we are helping them by gossiping about them with other adults.  It is still gossip especially if the talk is speaking negatively about the child.   The talk does hurt the child's reputation in the eyes of others, for good or for ill.   We all have done this from time to time or perhaps some have succeeded in never doing it, but it just seems good to bear in mind the harm caused to the child when spoken about in front of others in their presence or not.  I plan to pose examples and alternative solutions and examples from interactions with the younger variety of people I encounter in my daily roaming.   If the reader does make a habit of doing this, I am basically hoping that folk can reconsider their actions for the good of the younger humans in their lives.   

Children free to play

I am going to use my old drafts as writing prompts.   Children free to play......    a person is a child once.   I see their time flying away.   What a delight  to see a child at play and reveling in it.   I have had  children addicted to the sandbox and they simply do not want to leave it.   The youngest in my family is getting older all the time of course and his older siblings are getting older, so there is less time spent playing.   I want to facilitate their playing as much as possible by throwing all of us outside and spending time together.  
"Free" to play was implying that children have less time to play as their lives are scheduled up such there is little time to just have nothing they have to go and do.  My year is as busy as ever and looking at the schedule I do want to guard their time to be able not be under pressure to produce and cough up anything for given activities.   Being free to be bored is awesome.

 Purposely taking off from school today, life around the house just seemed more peaceful.   Right now the kids are outside playing frisbee together.   Phew.   Kids playing outdoors afforded mom some quiet time too before the time of electronics.   I'm not against electronics, but I am against them forgetting how to play and imagine.   We are a family of addictions or obsessions so I do want to guard what time they have left as children to just be children and take that along with them into adult life.  

Clarification and reiterating that my choices with my kids are the privilege of parents for their own family.   I am not judging anyone their choices but stating what I have observed in my own family.   I want my children to have a childhood full of hands on playing.   I had it and have hilarious memories from all that my friends and I played together and wonder why my parents and theirs were okay with some of our shenanigans.   Wow.  I hear hilarious stories from my older children of the stunts they pulled together and then I can revel in the fact that my darlings did some pretty crazy stuff and we can all laugh about it now.  

Leave them alone to play

I used to pride myself on my kids ability to make believe and play with just about nothing but the great outdoors or indoors.  Kids don't need very much to be happy and content.  Mostly they don't need to be in contact with adults constantly to be content.

Our family does have the luxury of living in the middle of ten acres of over half woods and some meadow.  Ever since our oldest was a small child, I can remember putting a sand box outside the living room window and our toddler basically lived in that sandbox while I  read a book and saw her head bobbing around.  She didn't care where I was as she was in her little world of imagination.  She would play for hours and then......I would read to her and she would take her nap....and then start the cycle all over again.

We have nine children total, which isn't necessarily relative to to the topic, but all of them have basically disappeared to their play land for most of their free time.  As small children they were loaded with free time.  Countless people have commented to me at one time or another the kids ability to just be content by themselves without my involvement.

Last week, my second to last child, took me on a delightful romp through our woods.   She showed me all her favorite haunts which frankly I wasn't aware existed.   My seeming neglect or lack of supervision, produced forts which were in their third or fourth stage of redesign by her and her sibs.   Her older sibs had also built and rebuilt forts in the woods.   She described the walking bridge they had created at the bottom of slippery hill and then showed me the remains of a foundation I didn't even know existed after twenty four years of living here!  This bridge had also undergone renovations as some logs rot you know.

I loved how she reminisced about her years in the woods.  It was a world to me that perhaps I can be sorry I wasn't as aware of but on the other hand it is their world.  When I dismiss the kids from their home educated world they frankly stop school in my world and then enter their own school of play.

Another area she described as one of her favorites for all the mushrooms they find there.  She is seven mind you, and the mushroom world is one of her favorites!   Where is MY mushroom world!?   I need a mushroom world!   This world will last her young life.  It can extend through the knowledge gained in observation into her adult life. She experiences things most people will never ever have a chance to experience, mainly because she was given the chance to play and explore on her own and with her sibs.

Lately the collaborative playing has been as Minute Men fighting the British all over the yard.  The book we read together is now live action in the yard without my meddling.  I pondered meddling when the Minute Men started bickering together but I thought better of it and left them to their own devices.

For all the panicking I've done through my parenting years as to whether I am teaching them everything I 'should' I really needn't worry too much about it.  My kids are thriving, know how to work hard, and have so many childhood tales of their adventures.  When they are released from my clutches of reading, math, etc., they disappear into their world for hours and hours.  I am happy for them. My fifteen year old still swings on the swing set and loves it.

So.....I encourage parents to encourage free play time outside as you can.  I know some people don't have that luxury due to apartment living, city living, so go camping!  Get out of sterile plugged in lives and get the kids outside to play with what is there.

Well, this is rich and fun

I love Advent and Christmas.   My kids are all almost home, which won't happen every year.   We run gleefully to church every day and hope that the guy leading all of those services knows how much he is appreciated.  I think I will go buy him some oranges so he has a better chance of making it through without taking the fall of sickness this year.  

Today, I am making out an update to son number two's transcript so he can continue on his way to working on his bachelors.   I am so happy about that.   Seriously.   It is what he wants and it is finally happening.   I'm just glad it is him who has come to this conclusion.   Waiting and patience as our kids muddle through without putting the ultimate heat on, is sweet.   I don't want to force or coerce my kids to do anything they don't have the heart for.

Me, I am happily practicing my horn and sort of restarting that aspect of  my life.   Playing the horn takes me to never never land.   I suppose it is like taking happy drugs so my family mostly appreciates that.   A happy  mommy is a happy thing.  

Oh, the Marine son, is home on Recruiters Assistant and working on finding some young folk to come in and see if the Marines has  a place in their future.   He knows more humans than his public school counterparts who were properly socialized.......this is sort of frustrating him as the home school stereo type of being inadequately socialized is said to him.   Yes, that was bad grammar but hey, I am just rambling.  

We are getting a new baby before Christmas - a baby grand piano will be blessing our living room.   I am sooooo excited I can hardly stand it.   I best get back to my dear son's transcript update and stop rambling for today.  

Random parenting thought

Few things peeve me more than when a parent discusses their child's behavior with another adult in front of the child or their siblings.    Imagine for a moment if we discussed other adults behavior in front of that adult with a friend.  Um......wouldn't this be really offensive?    A child is a person too and they do hear what we are saying and they do realize they are the topic of scrutiny.    So.......in respect for our kids, perhaps giving thought to the audience of our conversations  might be a good idea.   This mama's fire is lit when other well meaning adults start talking to me about my kids in front of my kids as if they are not able to comprehend what is being said.   Kids are individuals too!   Enough.  I think the point is made.  

Giving up the gift exchange

We have nine children, one son-in-law and one grandchild and....amazingly all four of the grandparents of our children.  Wow.   I also have one brother and his wife whom we have maintained some semblance of a gift exchange for....ever.    So, now that money is tight again, I have decided through discussion with my family and a few others, to give up the whole gift exchange thing this year and hopefully do weird things like play with the games we already have, have a hymn sing or something, read books that we already have, enjoy the rest of the year with less stress and just give up the guilt.   We can NOT keep up with the whole 'have a zoo membership' AND have gifts for everyone at Christmas.   That is just one example.  

I spend SOOOO much time during the year cleaning up all the junk we acquire at Christmas and birthdays that there must be a radical change.   Wouldn't I rather spend the year actually doing nice things with my family instead of chasing all this crap around?   How many dolls, toys, etc. does one family need anyway?    It may be suggested by some that a zoo membership could be the gift of the year but even that has some strings attached to it so no, money will be spent on yummy food, making things together throughout the year and just enjoying each other....hopefully (!).    

Now to return to decluttering my house of all the stuff so I don't have to take care of it anymore and I don't have to look forward to getting more stuff in the future.   Enough already!  

Structure and calendars

I personally am not the most structured person.   Unfortunately for me, I don't think structure is optional for the kids.   Pondering the plethora of age levels living under my roof and all the stages of development going on, from dreaming of retirement, to not quite potty trained and all the teenage behavior in between, is pushing the envelope with me to insist on calendars and more routine in the house.   I thought it was good enough to simply get done what we could get done but am realizing how there is only one of me and that the older kiddos need to learn how to use a calendar and take more responsibility for their own lives.  

I cannot begin to explain the dragging of feet and their blaming me for not knowing what they can do next in their home educated journey or in helping around the house.   Helping is not an option either.    I have visions of faces coming at me asking me questions in my not so distant past.   I am going to attempt to have calendar, goal making meetings weekly and try to make it fun.   That lovely phrase in probably all parenting/teacher books is that kids like to know what is expected of them.   Even though I feel I have given them what is expected, I suppose it is too wishy washy for them and black and white check lists will help.   I will have to have a fight with my own 'laid back' self to persevere with this.  

Extinguishing whining will be a whole different goal but not really.   I think I am going to have them track their whining on the calendar to see how that is going for them.   Can I do this????   Hopefully.   Stay tuned.   Perhaps I will have my blog keep me more accountable on this one......

Kids and helplessness

Kids learning how to do things for themselves is an obvious part of parenting.   Nagging or painful pulling of their bluff.   I have a few kids who have struggled greatly with following the directions in their school work so that they might actually complete it in a reasonable amount of time.   Yesterday it became quite clear that one of the children in question had a complete strategy in play to see if he could get everyone else to do his homework by asking THEM questions about how to do the problems.   The self discipline to study his work and understand it for himself and my teaching him.....or forcing him.....to follow through with these skills, is pretty tedious at best.   To teach this lovely skill, known as helping yourself with your homework and how to study, requires my body to be still and near by to continually point him to how he can solve his own problems by reading and researching and then studying the concept till he completely understands it.  

My house is a wreck, my small people are starving for attention, and once again I am puzzling over how to help the little people survive while I push the envelope with older child  to help himself.   I might be doing other things while said student is struggling with studying and avoiding the easiest route to success as he has it engrained in him to die many deaths rather than simply use the index and the resources online to review his math skills.   Exhausting..........I guess he sees it as a battle of the wills and I sit in wait to wield my will of NO.....look it up darling child.   (If I have patches of hair missing, you now know the reason).  

Take courage parents, one and all!   Don't do your children's homework!   Send them packing to the avenues which will help them learn what they need to do. It might mean you don't have a company ready house and your meals are lacking for a while but....the rewards.....better be sweet.     This child now has a teacher for his math who isn't ME, and learning how to ask the teacher questions rather than the rest of the family is one of THE most tedious parts of this of all.  

I write all this down so that maybe if I look at my blog I won't lose sight of the goal......independent thinking!!!!    Now I should stop writing and perhaps go clean off a surface or make some sort of egg something for the kids brains to feed off  and supercharge their brains!   Onward!  

Ringmaster

"I would like to buy a contradiction please".....oh wait.   I get those for free.   Negative me but seriously!   How to get the kids to stop contradicting each other and me at every given opportunity.   The conversation barely begins and then.....contradiction.  Ack.   How to teach them to say nice things to each other or to me.   Whining is a form of talking back to zee parents.   Stop whining.   Pondering how to call them on the carpet for this.   Fortunately they seem to pull themselves together for the most part in public.    We had a nice time at the zoo.   We sort of ended up at the zoo by accident since I misunderstood when a concert we wanted to go was.   I was two days early and decided that since we were out and presentable, we may as well take the plunge and visit the zoo.  

So my littlest roarer was caught by surprise when the lions started roaring and roaring....and roaring.   He appeared pretty unsure of himself but decided to roar back at them.   He roared and roared and roared.    I am pondering how I can 'roar' back at the kids in a sense by calling them on the carpet for their choices of avoidance, whining, sloth etc.   I am not as cute or remotely so as my little roarer.  I am the ringmaster of sorts but methods are different.   Everyone to your corners cubs!   Focus.   Jump through whatever hoops you need to get er' done!  

From the mouth of babes

My three year old and five year old have remained keenly aware that we lost a baby in October.   He is buried in the back yard.   Sigh.   They talk about him all the time which is actually a good thing.   Stefan, five, has been talking with me more than usual about it.   He has said any number of the following many times.  "I miss the baby.   I wish the baby hadn't died.   Will I be able to play with the baby someday?   I can't wait till I get to play with the baby.  Maybe you can have another baby mommy and then I will have another baby to play with.  Why did the baby die."   Deep sigh.   Like I said, I am not upset he asks these things.   I appreciate his understanding that the baby was real and is waiting for him in heaven.   It is so very sweet.   The older children are aware but since they are not so small they don't talk about it very much.   I will not squelch Stefan's questions and conversation.   He obviously needs to talk about it.   Ingrid just talks about the baby when she is outside and visits where the baby is buried.   The older kids do look a bit freaked out when he does this as I think they must think I can't handle it.   It happened.   It's real.   Why not talk about it.   It is okay.   It is perhaps good for me to to have my little confidant to talk to when it comes up.   God bless his small self.   I love my kids.   The end. 

Piano Mom

I am not a soccer mom.  I am a piano mom.  It seems to be an art form to figure out how best to be a piano mom.   I am sure it is not a whole lot different from being a soccer mom or any other sort of mom of kids investing time in one particular talent.   Listening to my daughter play is a joy just like it was a joy to listen to her older sister.   Sitting in on her lessons is a little bit of a respid for me as I can just chill on the couch and soak in observing her interact with her teacher and literally see the light bulbs go off.   What I ponder is how not to be  too involved with the whole thing and allow the teacher to completely orchestrate her lesson and preparation for the next piano event, albeit her lesson or a competition.   I very carefully consider how much I talk to my daughter as a piano mom so as not to muck up what is already going on between her and her teacher.   I love the musical process and seeing it all come together and the end result is awesome.   And.....what if my daughter is not on top of her game some weeks?   Well, then it is carefully considering what sort of big deal or no deal at all I am going to make of it.   I usually make nothing of it and move on.   I do my best not to be the crazy pressure beauty pageant mom.   It is okay.   What if she decided she didn't want to play anymore?   What then?   Would I crush her with disappointment or just love her.    Hopefully it would be the latter.  She did a beautiful job this evening at her Stickley recital for her teacher's studio.   Wow.   Amazing.    Very proud of her. 

Older Kids

So the time is drawing nigh for me to learn more about keeping the balance between understanding my kids point of view and not cramming mine down their throats.   I can think of several instances with my four and perhaps even with my my fifth kid, where I have had to take a deep breath and remember that their life is not mine.   They are not my property.   It takes me a little bit longer to process how I am going to discuss various things with them which come up in conversation instead of the straight forward comments which are directed at the younger kids, "I think you have had a little accident darling, please go change your clothes."    Life is just not that simple anymore.

Obviously they are different people than I am.   My pride in thinking I understand them can muddy the waters of my mind at times and then I have to switch gears to understanding where they are coming from.   I also have to patiently listen and understand or at least try to come to an understanding of where they are coming from.   I don't always understand but I guess that is okay.   Yes.  It is okay.   I pray for my kids and love them along.   I'm not always patient but try like anyone else.   I also have been challenging them to think by perhaps parenting in a different way.   Learning to ask poignant questions of the younglings is a new skill I am working on.   How do I help them to think.   They don't have to agree with me but I do want them to think and also be able to see other people's perspective.   This is tough. 

Funny it has occurred to me that my kids think they understand everything about me too.  I am their mother after all and they know me right?   Well, actually I can think of several instances lately when I could tell they did NOT understand where I was coming from and ya' know what?   That was okay too.   The journey just gets more interesting as I go along.   I am sure too that I I have not seen the end of this experience and hopefully will learn more from experience.  

Lab rats

This is the flip side of the last post.   The little cherubs residing in our home might need compassion but they also are at times little buzzards.   Little sinners, little buzzards.....    In a lame attempt to discover a more peaceful home, I have been chasing all sorts of methods to better cheerfulness around here.  The first experiment on the lab rats was to make a star chart and hand out stars for random acts of responsible, helpful behavior.   Now I just need to remember to do it.   They seemed to respond to that variable.   The best news is the husband really has responded.   That is so cute.   He has been doing an amazing job of helping out around here.   His 13 year old clone also seems to appreciate the star chart so I will somehow have to remember this more often.    The littlest people could use some stars if they actually spend any length of time not whining, crying or screaming.  

In light of little screamers, I pondered how to extinguish this behavior for increased peace around here.   Yesterday I was pretty much intolerant of this behavior and had children washing floors, running around the house and sitting on their beds to do their own pondering.   It got a bit ridiculous so my revised plan is to pick a kid and try to assist one at a time to work on their screaming, whining habit.   I don't mean I will let the rest get away with stuff but if I try to extinguish this loveliness from everyone at the same time, it will probably only leave me screaming and whining.   Chillax people!!!    I will have to do a combination, wash the floors if you whine, with "yay, you get a star for making it through an hour without whining or screaming!"

  It is the vast quantity of little buzzards, conspiring to suck the life out of me, which is the most challenging.   Focusing and finishing anything seems hampered by all the interruption so somehow I hope to make some progress on all of this for everyone's sanity.   I know!   I can carry treats in my pocket and when they illicit the proper response to my experiment, they get a treat!    Facepalm.   Breathe.

Family culture

The more we are all home the more I don't want to leave the family culture.   Cecilia and I were looking at baby pictures last night and to hear my dear ten year old ponder on the fact that we are more than likely done having wittle ickle babies around here and how sad that was for her, I try hard not to think about THAT and then stare at her and thank God for kids with their priorities in the right place.   I guess our family grows in different ways, with the adoption of our 65 year old neighbor who is pretty much family at this point and then who knows what the future will bring.   Taking one day at a time and one hour at a time becomes sort of an art form or something or perhaps is better known as proceeding in faith.   All nine kiddos will be home tomorrow night.    I am looking forward to a good long time this Christmas break with all of my children.   Who could not relish having their three year old join them every morning and listen to all that jabbering about thing like what is on her pajamas and what color her eyes are.    Sweet.   Well.....time to do the next thing here so....later!

9th child well kid check up

Rips 15 month old out of crib, brightens his day with oatmeal immediately after this extraction.   Poor a sipper cup of milk, shove poor bewildered child in his car seat with cup, shut the door and speed off to doc.   Ponder on the way to doc that wittle ickle goo goo probably needs his nails cut.   Rummages to see if emergency nail cutting device is in console for use before Holy Communion avoid embarrassment missions.   Check.   Extracts small child from car seat at doc, checks him in and heads for the bathroom to cut his nails and clean his wittle hands.   Is relieved to find paper towels in bathroom to wash oatmeal off his baby schnuckem cheeks and exits for waiting area happy that I might appear like I take careful care of my one year old.  

Nurse forgets to check her clock and emerges fifteen minutes later after little person had 'read' all the magazines, ripped off his socks, charmed some old people and stole the Gideon Bible.

  Questions......'can he throw a ball?"   Me, "I am not sure but he can whack his older sister on the head."  

Nurse, "Can he say four or more words?"  Me, "I knew you were going to ask that last night so took inventory - Chip (the dog), Cia (Cecilia), Mama (phew),  NaNa (Matthew or Anna)."

Doctor, "Does he have his molars yet?"

Me, "Um......I am not sure.   No, I don't think so but am not sure." 

Such is the life of this mom of nine.   I probably did the same thing with one.   I am just a lot less focused on the ickle small people's every move etc.    He did get many comments about how expressive he is and after a nasty blood test for lead, went merrily home with me.    Gotta love his little self.   

Safety for the numbers

Another large family, broad age spread issue which I struggle with is the safety of the youngest kids when mom is away.     The older kids do tend to become immune to where the little ones are if mom has an appointment or is taking another kid to an appointment.   Tomorrow I am going to pick up my daughter for the weekend from college and the safety of my youngest two is of course of the utmost.   The older ones do fine together.    I am considering letting go of my ideas of the TV being a bad thing and going and getting a in van TV set up.   I found one for fifty but have no idea how to hook it up.    Driving long distances with potentially screaming children is also not a safe thing.   I wouldn't be surprised if all the younger kids will want to come with if I figure out how to do this.   It was just another inspirational moment of how to survive this large family thing without taxing my nerves more than they are already taxed.   My perfect parent syndrome can stand in the way sometimes.   Hopefully I can figure out how wise this decision is in the next 24 hours.

There are days

which seem like a time warp in a backward sort of way.   I see just today, which is probably a good thing to focus on, and then..........the kid who still can't read mainly because it is a challenge to find time for him which is quiet, slooowwwlllly plods along.    There is a yelp from the upstairs, and a complaint as the kids I blew up at are NOT cleaning up the mess left all over the toddlers area.   Dirty and clean toddler clothing are the constant carpeting in there.   I think I am at my crankiest when basically overwhelmed and my nose keeps dripping and I keep blowing it and then nose blowing then leads to belching and a need to then also run to the bathroom for all the coffee I had earlier.   Deep question of the day..........why does sneezing and nose blowing make you burp??????????    Very weird.   I am now going to give in, run to the bathroom one more time and then cave in to the crying 14 month old who seems very needy today.    This is probably much like everyone's day.....probably.   

A twenty year study

Today marked yet another day of comedy in my life as a mommy. A friend of mine went with me to IKEA today before picking up my in-laws and of course we had a rockin' time. While standing in line to get our lunch of smoked salmon and sinful chocolate cake, my friend was holding my little Evan with her baby sling. Apparently, unbeknown to either of us, Evan had a snotty nose and a lady behind us felt the need to inform us and help the dear child. I can not help but giggle when this happens as I know they are trying to help, but seriously I have always let other people's babies noses be their own mothers business and left to their comfort zone. My friend picked up the end of the baby sling and used it to wipe his nose and politely said thank you.

So....we two mommies with Evan proceeded to the check out and found our seats. I took the Evans so he could have his mommy time. The mom who helped us was seated not too far away. My more obnoxious side of course kicked in and so did my friends. I was giggling that she had been carrying him and *I* was the one who took him to nurse him. She feeling equally ornery suggested that when I was done with him, she would take him and nurse him too. Wouldn't THAT raise the hair on their heads. My brain then tripped on to inform my dear friend that we could freak them out and I could call her honey and then ask the helpful mom to take our picture. Oh dear. Karin should NOT be let out alone......or alone with equally odd friends....

Things people share with you in public about your children crack me up. Little do they know I have been doing a quiet study of this for twenty some odd years and am merely amused by what they come up with to help you with. I used to be defensive or offended but now I just start to crack up and smile sweetly at them. I figure that if I experiment with my responses to helpful comments I will eventually find the right response. Of course most people in public now assume Evan is my first since the older ones do not need to be drug out with me all over the place. I have vivid memories of trying hard to appear like a confident mother of my sweet ickle wittle Anna when she was an infant and the time I was outside J.C. Pennies and I had forgotten to buckle her little self in the carriage and......she started to fall out the front. Of course two older women just happened to be walking towards me as I dumped my baby on the pavement and looked askance at me. Not full of class and style. I have never mastered class and style EVER with small children. I am ALWAYS being *helped* by people. I have the "this woman needs help" tattoo on my forehead. It must be there. Everyone has just been too nice to point blank judge me for my tattoo. Seriously.

So.....I think my nursing buddy and I need to try our outing again and mess with people a bit. Or perhaps that isn't very nice but it would give them something to talk about anyway.....

Passive agressive behavior

Makes me nuts. Once upon a time there was this lovely family who was capable of doing massive quantities of basic household slave labor. It is the way with all small children and large children and those in between to wait eagerly for their dear mother to leave so they can......go back to bed and read. So the mother and all the little kiddos stuff, toys, laundry, socks, cute little underwear, food flotsam, dirt from outside......just gets worse. What is a mother of passive aggressive children to do???? I could buy them ice cream and take them to the pool so the sweaty, tired mommy gets what SHE wants and suffers no expense of her needs at the hands of children who might make her eyes cross quite frequently. (was that a sentence???). I could put on some rock and roll or raucous classical music and put them to task under my evil supervision (most likely will happen later). I could call a friend and go to lunch.....can't do that.....maybe coffee in the morning..... I could book a flight to California and hope for the best. Hmmmm......

My little self wants to accomplish.....weeded beautiful garden with yummy veges, school stuff organized and ready to go, read lots of books, find the house, get rid of fifty percent more of the stuff around here......cook lots of yummy healthy food, practice my horn, snuggle with smallest humanoids and gaze into their eyes, go to the beach and take a long walk, the list goes on......can't do it all.

Sleep. Perhaps I will start there.....

Carrot massacre

I should go take a picture. Seriously.....giving instructions to humanoids is sometimes painful. Weeding the garden does not mean taking a chain saw to the cute little raised beds. The funny farm is where I was briefly this morning as I went to admire my beautiful carrot patch which I like a silly head had my darlings *weed* yesterday. Sigh.

Micro instructing has been a parents bane since Adam and Eve no doubt. I think there was some weeding going on back then too. Did Adam and Eve have to explain what a weed was? Probably so. I can hear the conversation now, "Adam, I have told the kids a thousand times the difference between a weed and a carrot. God made it very clear to us that year we had to leave Eden. What is a mother to do???? Remember the good ol' days when we didn't have to worry about the weeding?"

Sigh. The carrots were pretty while they lasted. Try, try again.