Leave them alone to play

I used to pride myself on my kids ability to make believe and play with just about nothing but the great outdoors or indoors.  Kids don't need very much to be happy and content.  Mostly they don't need to be in contact with adults constantly to be content.

Our family does have the luxury of living in the middle of ten acres of over half woods and some meadow.  Ever since our oldest was a small child, I can remember putting a sand box outside the living room window and our toddler basically lived in that sandbox while I  read a book and saw her head bobbing around.  She didn't care where I was as she was in her little world of imagination.  She would play for hours and then......I would read to her and she would take her nap....and then start the cycle all over again.

We have nine children total, which isn't necessarily relative to to the topic, but all of them have basically disappeared to their play land for most of their free time.  As small children they were loaded with free time.  Countless people have commented to me at one time or another the kids ability to just be content by themselves without my involvement.

Last week, my second to last child, took me on a delightful romp through our woods.   She showed me all her favorite haunts which frankly I wasn't aware existed.   My seeming neglect or lack of supervision, produced forts which were in their third or fourth stage of redesign by her and her sibs.   Her older sibs had also built and rebuilt forts in the woods.   She described the walking bridge they had created at the bottom of slippery hill and then showed me the remains of a foundation I didn't even know existed after twenty four years of living here!  This bridge had also undergone renovations as some logs rot you know.

I loved how she reminisced about her years in the woods.  It was a world to me that perhaps I can be sorry I wasn't as aware of but on the other hand it is their world.  When I dismiss the kids from their home educated world they frankly stop school in my world and then enter their own school of play.

Another area she described as one of her favorites for all the mushrooms they find there.  She is seven mind you, and the mushroom world is one of her favorites!   Where is MY mushroom world!?   I need a mushroom world!   This world will last her young life.  It can extend through the knowledge gained in observation into her adult life. She experiences things most people will never ever have a chance to experience, mainly because she was given the chance to play and explore on her own and with her sibs.

Lately the collaborative playing has been as Minute Men fighting the British all over the yard.  The book we read together is now live action in the yard without my meddling.  I pondered meddling when the Minute Men started bickering together but I thought better of it and left them to their own devices.

For all the panicking I've done through my parenting years as to whether I am teaching them everything I 'should' I really needn't worry too much about it.  My kids are thriving, know how to work hard, and have so many childhood tales of their adventures.  When they are released from my clutches of reading, math, etc., they disappear into their world for hours and hours.  I am happy for them. My fifteen year old still swings on the swing set and loves it.

So.....I encourage parents to encourage free play time outside as you can.  I know some people don't have that luxury due to apartment living, city living, so go camping!  Get out of sterile plugged in lives and get the kids outside to play with what is there.

Shakespeare

I am trying to get a handle on how to read Shakespeare because I want to.   When I read Shakespeare, I start to Shakespeare speak.   I ordered a book this morning to help me figure out how to read the lesser known plays.   I suppose this is Karin giving herself a crash course in Shakespeare, even if it takes a year.   I can't even remember the name of the play I am reading now....pause to check.  I think it is called "Two Gentleman" and now I am currently getting lost in what is going on.  

I am sure this is too lofty a goal to try to work on right now but hey, I am tired of being ignorant of all things Shakespeare.   I  only know a little.   My high school English teacher, who I loved and sadly can't remember her name, was awesome at helping us understand what we were reading.   I have carried that reading with me to other books read and I also get to understand some of the more subtle jokes in movies etc.   That seems like a fun reason to read the plays right?   Hopefully I don't look back at this post months from now and realize I forgot to keep reading them.   Here goes!

Giving up the gift exchange

We have nine children, one son-in-law and one grandchild and....amazingly all four of the grandparents of our children.  Wow.   I also have one brother and his wife whom we have maintained some semblance of a gift exchange for....ever.    So, now that money is tight again, I have decided through discussion with my family and a few others, to give up the whole gift exchange thing this year and hopefully do weird things like play with the games we already have, have a hymn sing or something, read books that we already have, enjoy the rest of the year with less stress and just give up the guilt.   We can NOT keep up with the whole 'have a zoo membership' AND have gifts for everyone at Christmas.   That is just one example.  

I spend SOOOO much time during the year cleaning up all the junk we acquire at Christmas and birthdays that there must be a radical change.   Wouldn't I rather spend the year actually doing nice things with my family instead of chasing all this crap around?   How many dolls, toys, etc. does one family need anyway?    It may be suggested by some that a zoo membership could be the gift of the year but even that has some strings attached to it so no, money will be spent on yummy food, making things together throughout the year and just enjoying each other....hopefully (!).    

Now to return to decluttering my house of all the stuff so I don't have to take care of it anymore and I don't have to look forward to getting more stuff in the future.   Enough already!  

Changes

Today has been a day of catching up on maintenance chores around here.   Maintenance to me means maintaining the yard, keeping up with the laundry, throwing stuff out, etc.    My kids help with some things and other things it is more like pulling teeth.   Looking around the house, which I haven't been here to maintain much in the last month or so, gives me the urge to throw a lot out, give it away, etc.    I sort of wish I had never signed up for the Christmas plethora program to begin with.   I can't change what has past but I think the advice I will give my kids will be to keep Christmas as simple as possible and birthdays too.   What changes can be instilled now to decrease the stuff clutter and stress. 

I have a new grandchild!   This will establish new traditions with my daughter and her family of whether chasing some ideal is a good idea or just kiss up the little one and read to her and perhaps have her pick out books from her Grandma's collection of books to keep.   Maybe I will watch which ones she loves and let that lead the decision.   

My oldest son is now through Marine boot camp and a Marine.   That has twisted my head around to a new understanding of the military which I never had before.   I miss him.   He will not want to come home and sleep on the bunk above his brother.    He has ideas of things to pursue but his ten day leave was not very long to pursue them.    He was so tired but so grown up and more and more a kindred spirit.   I am still here to talk to him and think things through but our relationship is changing to something different.   I like it.   

I see the others growing up and look to the changes which will come.   We are actually out of diapers and that work is far less.   I feel like I can read books again, and even think of some of my own person interests again.   I am having fun including the kids in those interests too so that is a change as well.   I want to go fishing.   I want to row out in the middle of a lake and fish both alone and with a few kids in tow.   These are nice changes.   I like these too.   

Clearing the mind rewritten for Lutherans

First off, no one is going to get life 'right' by their own efforts.   I am reading a book which is basically about untangling yourself from all of the life drama which distracts you from.....(read dramatically).....who you really are.   Well, the reason I am reading it to begin with is to see what I can glean out of it to learn to detach myself from unavoidable dysfunctional behavior encountered in life.   Simply put, don't allow the dysfunctional behavior rock my world or consume me.   The title is "The Unteathered Soul".     It is very yoga like but it did have a few good points worth sharing so am translating in Lutheran talk.  

The first point I found of value is that in today's modern society, we have a lot of time on our hands to allow  for the mind to dwell on every little thing we do and every thing we see others doing.  In days gone by people were pretty busy working, making and preparing food, and basically doing those things which are done to survive.   We are much more tied today to a world that allows us time to think about what everyone else is doing and then worrying about what we say and do around them.   I am not sure my explanation of this makes sense, but it makes sense to me that if I truly was busy wondering if we had food on the table and life was less cluttered by my gadgets, I would not have so much stuff to get worried and fussed up about.   So.....the book suggests decluttering our minds of all these things which compete for our minds attention.   As a Lutheran, I would suggest this same point would be to mind my own vocations and live in repentance for those vocations I am neglecting - the God given ones.    Minding my own vocation leaves me a lot less time to think on what everyone else is doing and get busy doing what I am supposed to be doing.   Yeah, I fail at this but and ask forgiveness for that and I truly want to do better.  

This point led to 'clearing the mind' which of course is......Buddha like.   There is much talk in the book of how to do this.   Making choices as to what I react to and perhaps choosing NOT to react.   The author gives the example (which I am not siting as I am sort of rambling), of thinking on whether it is a good idea to react to some encounter where I could either choose not to let it bother me and forget it or, perhaps I might choose to give a person a piece of my mind.   The second choice, aka sin - anger, murder in my heart - comes with consequences.   Even if the choice is I decide to give some snarky remark, there is still a consequence to that choice.   I am still responsible for those words.   The author makes reference to this as clearing your mind, and I would call it calling upon the Lord to guard my mouth and to actually consider the consequence of my sin.  

The last point I read was on making a routine of clearing your mind.   My Lutheran response, is that it would be a good practice to use that routine in prayer and remembering my baptism.   They suggest every time you enter the car and before you exit it.   That is not a bad choice if I use that as a time to remember my baptism and who it is that saves me - Christ Jesus - and not my effort to keep my mind under control.   Remembering my baptism always brings to my mind who paid the price for my sin.   I personally do rush from one thing to another so the routines set forth in the Catechism for prayer and examining one self make sense and are helpful in minding my own vocations.  

Clearing the mind - Confession and Absolution.   Yes.   That is clearing your mind.   I value this practice and hearing the words of absolution are most important in 'letting it go'.   Seeking Absolution is a to seek the forgiveness of our sins - to seek Absolution from the Pastor as from Christ himself.   I am referring to private Confession and Absolution here.    Christ's forgiveness can not be substituted by making an effort to clear the mind.   There is no substitute.   Humanly speaking we can ponder the futility of our anxieties and desire to be in control of every situation to avoid the pain that comes in this fallen world.  

I am going to keep plugging my way through the book anyway as there have been a few good points to think about in my reaction to the world around me but this is my Lutheran response.   The best point thus far was the point on thinking on how I react to what comes at me in life and how much energy I spend ruminating on them.   Choosing to not let the yuck effect me is a good start to dealing with the dysfunctional/sinful behavior I encounter in life.   This seemed pretty lightly touched on but I have a third of the book left so maybe the author will touch more on that later.  

Structure and calendars

I personally am not the most structured person.   Unfortunately for me, I don't think structure is optional for the kids.   Pondering the plethora of age levels living under my roof and all the stages of development going on, from dreaming of retirement, to not quite potty trained and all the teenage behavior in between, is pushing the envelope with me to insist on calendars and more routine in the house.   I thought it was good enough to simply get done what we could get done but am realizing how there is only one of me and that the older kiddos need to learn how to use a calendar and take more responsibility for their own lives.  

I cannot begin to explain the dragging of feet and their blaming me for not knowing what they can do next in their home educated journey or in helping around the house.   Helping is not an option either.    I have visions of faces coming at me asking me questions in my not so distant past.   I am going to attempt to have calendar, goal making meetings weekly and try to make it fun.   That lovely phrase in probably all parenting/teacher books is that kids like to know what is expected of them.   Even though I feel I have given them what is expected, I suppose it is too wishy washy for them and black and white check lists will help.   I will have to have a fight with my own 'laid back' self to persevere with this.  

Extinguishing whining will be a whole different goal but not really.   I think I am going to have them track their whining on the calendar to see how that is going for them.   Can I do this????   Hopefully.   Stay tuned.   Perhaps I will have my blog keep me more accountable on this one......

My book rating system

It doesn't have to be anyone else's rating system but have decided that the best books to me are books with layers.   Depending on how the layers are laid together, the better the book.  Some books the layers are obvious and in others you realize a bit later on what happened before and dots are connected.   The Christian themes in Dickens and Gaskell's books seem to reflect a society of the time which understood a life of Catechesis and vocation.   There is an obvious acknowledgement of the value of people's different stations in life.   I call it a relief to read about a culture which once existed.   The readers of that day, considering I am referring to best sellers, must have understood these understandings and the natural flow of the story line in respect to Christ as the center of family and decisions.   I may stick with this time period a bit and see how many other books and authors carry on the same set of priorities or Christ centered lives and confident concern for those living outside the church.  

Talking and listening

It seems this is the most challenging thing.   I personally feel the stress of a lot of talking coming at me but how to model not feeling a need to fill the air with talk.   Large families with a lot of talking going on inside their walls can be quite exhausting.   I have many short people and tall people too who have something to say to me.   I am glad they do but it is a struggle to keep listening!   No answer is not an option.   I have been chatting with the kids about turning their focus a bit to listening, ignoring siblings who are purposely trying to get their goat, listening to themselves.   I don't think this will solve the problem, but having an awareness and teaching an awareness of how much talk is going on out of their own mouths and not their neighbors, is making a tiny bit of difference.   I will continue to plug along with this thought with the kids and my own mouth.   Being 46 though might result in my forgetting what the goal is as my forgetting things is the standard.
Proceeding in Faith.........

Contempt and Compassion

The word contempt seems to pop most into mind in reference to the court system.   If one is in contempt of court they disregard and disrespect the judge, the expected decorum of the court room structure and fly in the face of common courtesy.   Contempt is a state of self absorption or importance.   I have been contemplating this word contempt in how I behave to the world around me.   I think I could describe in general ways contempt creeps into all of us but processing how the contempt of the world around us is real and worth considering *reconsidering*.   Contempt seems our constant struggle of sin against our neighbor.  

In regard to relationships with our spouse, we can all giggle a bit at Paul Simon's lyrics in one of his more recent songswhere the husband says, "What? You don't like the way I chew?"    That line does crack me up but can also sadden me as it speaks a lot of truth of how we relate to those who are closest to us.   I have witnessed and had this sort of attitude myself.   Shameful admittance but goes to show how low we drop in our regard of those around us.   When I sit down to dinner, I no doubt will be thinking mostly of myself, even though I think I am valiantly serving my neighbor.   It is worth it to me to ponder if that is true.   It isn't my righteousness which should motivate me to do so, but my love of neighbor.   Am I being ridiculous in my expectations of my neighbor when I myself am not too patient with other's quirks????   Sigh.   Humbling processing.  

Do family members and others do and say hurtful things???   Sure.   Do I view them with contempt.   Sure I do.   Repenting and processing my response to the world around me is just thought provoking.   How to smile in response to the little irritants which we face.   Thinking the best of our neighbor - sigh.  Remembering that Christ died for them TOO and not just for my sinful, sorry hide.   Hmmm.......this is the most challenging of thoughts but worth it for the sake of my neighbor.  

The flip side of contempt in my mind, is compassion,.   Do I have compassion for the little face which does not like to hear he has been mean or whatever he has been up to.   Do I need to shame him or alert him to the problem.  Contempt is rolling my eyes at the pouting and compassion is shutting my mouth, dealing with the fallout quietly and stick to the facts.    Little person of mine, you have sinned against your neighbor, but thanks be to God Jesus has it covered in the forgiveness of sins.    Wow, is that hard to remember when life is clouding my vision.  

Compassion for my husband, who travels every week, is pretty ADD and is the person inside the Energizer Bunny costume and all where Duracell gets the energy from to put into the batteries which power your flashlights.   How to have compassion for that sort of energy and my lack of it.   This is a huge weakness for me.  He is currently recharging his batteries and pretty quiet.   Easy to have compassion on the comatose.  

I could prattle on about this subject but it seems the bottom line is that it is very comfortable to live in contempt of our neighbor and much more challenging to have compassion.   Again, thanks be to God for God's compassion for us in His Son Christ Jesus, His death on the cross for us and remembering that despite our annoying neighbors and our annoying sinful selves, Christ is still Risen from the dead.   Alleluia!

Critical thinking

Overwhelm.   Keep plugging along.   One of my older kids is weak on critical thought.   I suggested to him that he read mystery books and work himself up to more difficult reading.   I started this post before he tried a mystery book and now I can see where the book I chose was too difficult for him.   So basically methodically building up his stamina is yet another item on my tick list to keep chasing after. I can also see that my random self needs to work on preparing some activities ahead of time for kids to work on.   The amount of time wasted being interrupted by kids who need my attention can be down right maddening.   I know I would make a terrible classroom teacher as preparation for cute activities kills me.   But my kids love them just like the rest of the kid world.  I need to do this.  

My other activities for critical thought include cross word puzzles, word searches, riddles, and other strategy games.   My biggest challenge is NOT getting overwhelmed by it all and NOT getting distracted by other temptations.
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At least three of my kids need total silence and no bouncing, screaming children about.   I can keep the oldest kids on task for at least several hours working on writing, grammar and instruction.   When we break apart to work on separate levels of math, life breaks down here.   My energy lasts only about one more hour and then it is a push to get anything else accomplished.   I suppose I need to just be happy with whatever extra school work gets done in the afternoon.  

This is all rambling on teaching and endurance with bunches of kids in toe.  

Writing

My head is wrapping itself more and more around how exactly to teach the kids writing skills.   I peaked at my last post months ago and saw immediately that I failed in proofreading and I am sure there are more mistakes if I looked hard enough.   So now my goal is to have the kids write a response to a question every day, when we can pull this off, and for me to write with them.   It worked beautifully last week and they are eager to write.   They also looked astonished at my responses.   A musician learns much from example as do artists and of course mathematicians.   Even my own lame attempts will give us all something to share together.   The anticipation on their faces of reading and hearing each others writing was sweet.   If I had my way I would work with the kids like this all day.   I wouldn't go to appointments or worry about what was for dinner.   It is awesome to connect with their thinking and think together.   The older students writing requires stating clear reasons and backing up of their thinking in their writing and not making assumptions.   The process is harder.   I hope that we can spend this spring hammering away at this.  Sigh.  

What do we teach them?

Today during a piano thingie, (not a competition but don't know what to call it), I had a long talk with another mom and the election came up as I was on my soap box of what IS taught to our kids in school.   I am reading a book about the Japanese Americans who were put into captivity in suspicion of their nationality after Pearl Harbor.   The book is written from the first hand accounts of the people who lived here before and after Pearl Harbor.   Ironically one of the victims told how they thoroughly they were taught the Constitution and what was great about the freedom afforded to all men in American no matter what race or religion.    And then.....after Pearl Harbor that all changed and it was not brought up in the schools, at least not immediately following the attack on Pearl Harbor.  

So the mom and I were truly wondering what is taught now in the schools.   We both home educate but two of her kids are in school and she could not really say what is mentioned concerning our government.   She feels school is taught to the test nowadays.   My own mantra for my kids is to teach them how to think.   Ask questions.   How do we do this if the test is the most important thing?  How do I teach my kids to understand their freedoms.   I feel I have done a poor job myself for them and for myself.   The best conversations have come from watching the news and reading news articles to them.   Discussing history and what has happened in the past.   Many generations have failed in practicing the principals laid out by the Constitution.   That sin thing   bunch will always be by our sinful nature a mixed up.   I teach by living and talking with my kids.   We do *book* work, but we also do a lot of talking.   The parents involvement in explaining all of the book work on the Constitution seems to be the key to educating.   I am rambling again, but remembering how much we teach to tests, even home educators, is a wake up call to teach our children to think.   Ask them lots of questions to prick their brains to think.   Listen to both sides of political issues and ask questions.   Ask your friends which you agree with questions to increase understanding.

 I suppose the answer to the question, what should we teach them, is to teach them to ask questions and to listen.    I already drive them nuts with this, but will continue on the path and perhaps direct their thoughts to knowing a bit more about their government.  

Contentment training

There has been some discussion elsewhere about loneliness at home with the kiddos.   I have certainly struggled with this over the years but the more I think about it and live this crazy life, I do see that learning a little more self control over my ADD desire to do stuff with others, does help me be happier to just be at home.   I pile the guilt higher and deeper when I am not here and we accomplish little.   It is the life of bunches of kids to begin with, especially if you aspire to home educate the kids.   Our hands seem to be tied in this regard.

There are things I would like to do better with the kids at home anyway so how can I do that if I am itching to be with adults????   I have to build time in life to do these things.   I want my kids to learn to read to me.   I want to read more to them.   I want to help them learn to do their own laundry and care about what the house looks like....more.....not perfectly, just more.   I want to cook more yummy nutritious foods so the kids whine less and are more content themselves.   Talking to the kids only happens if I am home more.   When I am not home, I need to take some kids with me and not just crave time to escape.   It really helps their little selves feel better and then we all feel better.

One day at a time.   Conscientious effort to make appointments later in the day and bunch a few together.   Plan meals so I don't make lots of little trips to the store.   Revolve the family life also around prayer and the church.  If we start skipping morning Catechesis we are already off to a bad unsettling start.

Norms of society, especially American society, give us all ADD.   ADHD really.  Hyper life.   Scrambled family.   I can't take too much of that for very long so am trying to choose not to choose that life.   Scouts and church and piano lessons about kill me.   These are all rambling thoughts.   Perhaps I will gather my thoughts and make this a more organized thought.   Feel free to add your own thoughts and frustrations.

Purposefully slowing down.....even more.

I think we are succeeding in slowing down.   I am taking this whole week to work on schedule and expectations which are reasonable and fit better with my slow demeanor lately.   I do not like to rush and be bombarded by many a human at once.   I am a wimp where rapid questions fly.   I've said that before.  

Monday we went through ALL of the kids subjects and weeded out every single book which did not even appear likely to happen.   Those are all hiding in the basement as I planned before.   I left each of my students/kids with two to three things to work on and have hanging over their head so to speak.   They thought we were going to do everything at once; spelling, math, grammar, writing, reading, science etc......not.   I can't see the sense in taking on too much at once and getting none of it done.   I would love to push everyone to get all of their math done for the school year by Christmas.   That would be awesome.   Perhaps I will just call them done at that point if I am brave enough and then spend all of the spring semester playing with history and reading books together.   That sounds delightful.

We braved the library today and hope to return.    It will help if I can 'train' Evan the two year old to sit for books for longer periods of time.   He was fascinated with the long row of couches and the beautiful window sills   They were much like an obstacle course for him and he was loving it.   Slowing down and not hyper spazzing at him will mean taking a breath and baby steps in listening to books for us both.   Perhaps there will be days when we visit the library when we will have to make abrupt departures.   I am sure there will be.   I would like to go there more often this year, especially since going there will alleviate temptations of all of us to be distracted by the junk in our house.   It was easier to come home today after having time at the library since books suddenly became more interesting to them all.  

A little visit accomplished way more than I intended.   Slowing down and living makes things easier to bear with all the kiddos.   Leaving for an evening spin on my bike was also far less stressful.   Hope we can keep this up and I can remember the goal.  

Bike trails and health reform?

It seems to me that if the government wanted to help health reform, they could step up the rails to trails program.   Martin and I spent the morning biking on the trails in Rochester, Minnesota and there are trails EVERYWHERE!!!!    They are well done, safe and fun.   Indiana seems to have so few bike trails and I believe is around fifth in the nation in obesity.   Hmmmm.......how about making walking and biking more accessible?  There were people of all sizes and ages on those trails.   They all looked pretty happy to me.  

I love contemplating the people I see on these trails.   My favorite people this morning were busy doing what they loved.   The young lady who was stopped on the trail to take pictures of the birds.   She looked very happy.   I saw some orioles and they made me happy so sure, I see why she stopped.  

There was the older couple, holding hands and walking down the trail together.    I wanted to get a picture as those are my favorite pictures, but hadn't mastered biking and picture taking yet.   They weren't talking much but were just enjoying each others company.   Nice.  

There was our biking pal who we crossed paths with several times.   He admired my bike lights.  Lol!   Martin and I passed him once and he magically passed us in return a little later.   Probably was hard on his ego.  

I especially liked the dad walking with his little fivish year old boy and clearly having good father/son time.   Sweet.

So anyway, good quality bike and walk ways seem to me to be a better solution than socking more government money into drugs and theories of why we Americans are so fat.   Give us something to do if you have to do something Mr. Government!   I would much rather see my tax dollars go into using the old rails to make trails and family fun.   It probably would have a bigger effect on the obesity problem too.  

Skin to skin

You read about the benefits to an infant to immediately make contact with their mothers (or fathers if the mother. is somehow not able) to warm their bodies and to find security in the warmth of another human being as they begin their little lives outside their mothers.    As I have been staring at and pondering all the humans around me of all ages, I have been considering the benefits of this skin to skin benefit.   Obviously not literally skin to skin but every human benefits from warm, secure, human contact.    It seems a rarity or cast aside in our lives as not a priority as you know, 'we all have things we need to be doing.'    Doing.   I get so weary of doing.   Doing, doing, doing.  

 My three year old has a case of the screamie meanies.    Should I toss her in time out every time she screams???   What if I took her up in my arms and hugged her and spent time with her rather than get her away from me?   Emotional energy comes from emotional support.   Emotional strength and energy comes from contact which helps sooth us and not repel us.    I suppose I could consider how very badly I  need emotional support myself in caring for so many people and perhaps could benefit from time spent with all of my kids and family in a closer way rather than running away.

My nearly fourteen year old has struggled with showing emotion for several years.   It could be mostly from the fact that there are many who need this attention from me.   It makes me sad to think of the time I have not been able to sit with him and make physical contact just by allowing him to be by me.  

We all learn from our experience.   If we experience distance, it takes some time before there is comfort in closeness with other people.   Modeling telling my kids I love them has resulted in a greater ease in them to be able to say it back to me and anyone else they come in contact with who might say that.   It is a long lesson to learn and takes time and patience.  Five years is about how long it took for comfort to seem more natural.     I have no doubt the same will hold true with the kids finding their comfort level in being able to receive the comfort of just having someone give them a hug etc.   This was not modeled for me and it is not something I come by easily.   In fact I feel like somewhat of a dork if anyone other than my nuclear family gives me a hug and even that happens with such rarity (sadly admitting) that if someone else gives me a hug??????   Horrors.   Takes effort and the only way for it to not take as much effort is most likely to come from practicing offering my family and friends hugs?   Sit closer to my kids.   Offer to have my kids cuddle up next to me for reading time more often????    Time.   Patience.   Breathe.   Forgive.   Love them.   

And Wallflowers

To my amusement, I was asked to come join the group of parents after dear daughters recital and not be a wallflower.   Ha!   Well.....I am amused but not offended as what most are concerned about for my wallflowerness does not worry me.  It seems to worry others.    I am not at all perturbed by chilling out alone and not joining in small talk.   Small talk and I do not mix very well.   I didn't know anyone else in the room beside the teacher and of course my extrovert husband.   Is there something wrong with talking with my daughter and her friend who are kids verses filling the air with.....um.....I am not sure.   The girls and I had fun and I enjoyed spending time listening to them talk and visit with each other.  When will I get a chance to listen to such happy exchanges if I choose to leave them and talk about....???   Content to do my thing.   It is okay. 

Piano Mom

I am not a soccer mom.  I am a piano mom.  It seems to be an art form to figure out how best to be a piano mom.   I am sure it is not a whole lot different from being a soccer mom or any other sort of mom of kids investing time in one particular talent.   Listening to my daughter play is a joy just like it was a joy to listen to her older sister.   Sitting in on her lessons is a little bit of a respid for me as I can just chill on the couch and soak in observing her interact with her teacher and literally see the light bulbs go off.   What I ponder is how not to be  too involved with the whole thing and allow the teacher to completely orchestrate her lesson and preparation for the next piano event, albeit her lesson or a competition.   I very carefully consider how much I talk to my daughter as a piano mom so as not to muck up what is already going on between her and her teacher.   I love the musical process and seeing it all come together and the end result is awesome.   And.....what if my daughter is not on top of her game some weeks?   Well, then it is carefully considering what sort of big deal or no deal at all I am going to make of it.   I usually make nothing of it and move on.   I do my best not to be the crazy pressure beauty pageant mom.   It is okay.   What if she decided she didn't want to play anymore?   What then?   Would I crush her with disappointment or just love her.    Hopefully it would be the latter.  She did a beautiful job this evening at her Stickley recital for her teacher's studio.   Wow.   Amazing.    Very proud of her. 

Older Kids

So the time is drawing nigh for me to learn more about keeping the balance between understanding my kids point of view and not cramming mine down their throats.   I can think of several instances with my four and perhaps even with my my fifth kid, where I have had to take a deep breath and remember that their life is not mine.   They are not my property.   It takes me a little bit longer to process how I am going to discuss various things with them which come up in conversation instead of the straight forward comments which are directed at the younger kids, "I think you have had a little accident darling, please go change your clothes."    Life is just not that simple anymore.

Obviously they are different people than I am.   My pride in thinking I understand them can muddy the waters of my mind at times and then I have to switch gears to understanding where they are coming from.   I also have to patiently listen and understand or at least try to come to an understanding of where they are coming from.   I don't always understand but I guess that is okay.   Yes.  It is okay.   I pray for my kids and love them along.   I'm not always patient but try like anyone else.   I also have been challenging them to think by perhaps parenting in a different way.   Learning to ask poignant questions of the younglings is a new skill I am working on.   How do I help them to think.   They don't have to agree with me but I do want them to think and also be able to see other people's perspective.   This is tough. 

Funny it has occurred to me that my kids think they understand everything about me too.  I am their mother after all and they know me right?   Well, actually I can think of several instances lately when I could tell they did NOT understand where I was coming from and ya' know what?   That was okay too.   The journey just gets more interesting as I go along.   I am sure too that I I have not seen the end of this experience and hopefully will learn more from experience.  

The symphony and observing

When I go to the symphony, which is sort of rare nowadays, I spend much of my time thinking and soaking it in.   I soak in the people who are there to watch.   Some attendees amuse me with their pretentiousness.   However there are many in both the audience and the symphony which I sort of spend time watching and pondering.  I ponder the pretentious ones too but perhaps I don't find them quite as interesting.  The end result and the beginning and the end of my observing is,  I don't know how anyone can go to a great symphony concert and still believe in evolution.  

There was a lecture/discussion time before the concert and they had their composer in residence talk about her composition which they were performing later.   I loved listening to how she grew up in London, listened to Pink Floyd and the Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, and other such bands as a child with her parents who not particularly interested in classical type music.   I was actually sort of reveling in this bit of information as it goes to show how great classical composers and musicians actually CAN be a product of such 'scandalous' upbringing.    

Anyway, just sitting and listening to her and the complexity of her life and her interactions with others could not possibly be a result of a creature who 'evolved'.   She was complex.   The man who interviewed her was just as complex and interesting.   The piece she composed was no small feat.   Loved it.   The Schubert was great and that guy was no simple guy.    Each and every member of the symphony got there somehow as little children who dinked around on their instruments, got serious and found their niche in the music world.    One talented group of players.   Talent, simple and complex people, simple and complex lives are not the product of evolution folks.  

Then there is the ordinary audience.   The guy in front of me intently listening.   The woman next to me during the intermission studying her program.  The lady on the elevator who was worried the elevator would not return to the main floor.   The man in the wheel chair being patiently cared for by his wife.   The lady beside me who was sad her husband was getting too old and feeble to come with her anymore.   I talked with her a long time before the concert and she just perked right up and talked about her kids and some people we  mutually knew.   She was from the same town I grew up in and her daughter went to school with my brother.   Small world.   My heart went out to her.   She dozed off a few times but clearly still loved a good day at the symphony.   I have a weird fascination with talking to older people and hearing their stories and the enthusiasm they have left in their old lives.   Taking an interest in the older generation is a comfort somehow and it is great to see them smile and it is endearing to see their pining for the health they used to know and the people they have spent time with in their lives.   Helps remind me I am not alone.  

The symphony members themselves and the conductor do have their ordinary lives they return to when not rehearsing and preparing.  They have families and homes in spite of their incredible talent.  They came from families and were little children to a mommy and daddy once upon a time and still are.    I don't know why I find this so interesting but these are some of things I ponder when I get the opportunity to just stop and observe people.   Observing is fun and interesting.     

Evolved.   Really?   Looking around at the ordinary, which really is not all that ordinary, and the wonders of people with unique gifts leaves me with no question that only God could create such a wonderful creation where people and the creation around us enrich our lives.   Even on a 'blue' day, the creation is still there filling our days.   God's creation is more than fascinating and is certainly not evolved.   Have fun and take pause to quietly watch and take joy in the people and creation around you!