Neglect fears and getting it all done

I have these crazy aspirations of actually keeping up on this grounds keeping thing AND not let my kids suffer neglect. Hmmm.....the mothering/pursuing interests to pursue sanity is a real juggling act. I get up rather early and hit the weeds and upkeep outside, greet and spend time with the little people who always get up early, and then try to squeeze in house keeping with more grounds keeping. I have also this odd part of me which stares at my kids and wonders what goes on in their heads and if I am not favoring one or another etc. Do their eyes portray that they know their mommy loves them and has said boo to them today?

The simplest way to accomplish this has really been to clear my plate as much as possible. I am contemplating taking the shortest people home right after church for the rest of the summer so that I actually see them and only them for a bit. I don't HAVE to go to Bible class. Yes, I like it but I also don't like dropping my kids off at day care. Then there is Monday night insanity. I really need Charley to take the boys to Scouts more. Jim the neighbor is happy to watch the kids for a bit so I could take the older chillins to church who are not going to Scouts but.....I don't take several of them as I am out too late. Sigh. That is neglect too. I should just take them to Vespers and be done with it. They love going to the service so why not just take them and then go home and tuck them in. Evan is too distracting to me at Monday night Bible class too and I am in a zone so....go home and read.

I took Martin to get him some shoes and dress pants/dress shirt/belt so he doesn't get in trouble for looking like a slob. I didn't realize he didn't have much to wear. Oops. More neglect. I don 't talk to that child enough either. NOOOO, I do not regret having my kids!!!!! I love them. I look at them with wonder. I just don't want to put any illusions of grandeur in front of their needs. What grandeur could this mom have??? Mother of nine and wife of Mr. Energizer Bunny. For many and various reasons I just need to stay put. They are happier and frankly I am happier. Trying to 'fit in' the scene of anything but worship right now is more than a challenge so why do I think this is even possible?????

Purposeful hospitality will be my outlet for my family and the ten acres. I will fight the good fight against mosquitoes and poison ivy so people don't regret visiting but will have to do that most in the evening and early morning. Sigh. I never 'get it right'. My kids need ME and not my popularity. Popularity....hmmmm......the woman with the crying infant and two year old....more popular at home I would say so others can listen etc. Time to hit the hay so I have the energy to face the wittle energizer bunnies in the morning.