Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The New Normal

I think I am learning more and more about taking one hour at a time and not to have huge expectations.    Okay........I probably won't learn it well, and will still be impatient and feeling a bit unglued but I am certainly experiencing a lot of new and different things these days.

The whole year has been a whirlwind so far.   It will be Christmas soon I think.   A few months were spent intensely helping to take care of my in-laws, changing their living arrangements for the better and.....running the road to doctor appointments.   I can honestly say that running the road is not my favorite thing to do and some days I want to go to my room and lock the door.   The rest of my days have been occupied with attempting to pay attention to my children and the husband person, slowly planning a wedding for daughter dear, and helping with syrup and digging in the dirt to improve our yard.   

I am currently traveling home from my cousin's funeral.   Ugh.   It was very hard to see the faces and pain in the eyes of his parents and family.   My aunt suffered a stroke a few years ago and her mind is confused with losing her baby of course.   Ouch.   I knew she would be remembering cousin's childhood as all three of her kids were a handful but endearing in a crazy sort of way.   I think a crazy fun loving view of life was their culture growing up.   The visitation was confusing for her as all she wanted to do was talk to her boy and the rules told her to move to the side and then be more confused by many people who she didn't really know, who knew Chris.    My mommy heart hurt for her.    His dad was his usual self of gentle, quiet reserve and looking bewildered in other ways.   I admired his brain and insight as a kid so it was good to have a chance to talk with him. 

I do hope to be home and stay home as much as possible in the weeks to come.   We do have Anna's Senior recital in a little over a week in Bloomington and then the wedding of course, but I miss being able to stay put at home, wake up to the little people, play in the yard, go to the pool and just be.   The kids need me and I need them.  There are still some doc appointments in my future (yay) but will try to stick like glue to my family.    I need to stare into their eyes while I can and see how they are and what they are about.   

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