Found my blog

I had to go to a friends blog to find my blog address.   I couldn't remember it or find it with many a search on my own personal laptop.   Hmm.....I don't have to blog but have heard   from here and there that other moms have read and enjoyed it so.....we shall see how we can document a better year here?  

Okay, the new year might not be better than last and that still is to be determined of course but last year was full of deaths of many people I know so am ready for a fresh start.    Things are not looking good for my in-laws as they struggle along with their health but I do have hope in the Resurrection so perhaps this year will be the year they get better?   Here's hoping!   Watching people fall into dementia and lose their ability to be independent is extremely sobering.   You see a glimmer of your own potential future.   Humbling.  

2014 brings my first grandchild.   Wow.   I am very much looking forward to baby.    Wow.   I am sure you will hear more about him/her (I know but am not telling) in the months to come.   Daughter dear had an entertaining Christmas break which allowed the opportunity to figure out baby gender.   Overdoing it is not advised but both she and baby are doing well.    She and hubby were busy with his family and reveling in his sister's wedding Monday.   It was beautiful.  

Now to crawl off to the shower and begin the day.   Many sick with colds/fevers and seem to be on the mend.   Spending New Year's Eve driving through a snow storm in Chicago was not my idea of fun but we made it and are safe and warm at home.   Time to work on my three year old's resolution to use the potty and I have already failed him.   Sigh.   Dipes and wipes march on.  

Figuring out elder care

There is patience and then there is figuring out the elder care system.   I am not sure if there is an instruction manual for how to work with the people who care for our family or not.   I think I need to take some classes.  I think I DO need to get some sort of notebook or bring my laptop with to take notes and send the notes to all people concerned.   My conclusion in my own situation is that I need to insist on being notified of all health issues as soon as they occur and then take my in-laws to the doctor for the best care as the doctor has her very best interest in mind and has all the equipment for fast evaluation at his finger tips.  Being notified immediately also will help me with my own scheduling too instead of waiting till a small problem potentially becomes a bigger problem.  

My experience this past weekend was learning that even though there are many elders who do not get attended to by their family, I need to make it clear that we DO attend to our parents health and want to be involved more than the average bear.   It is sad to see the neglect by family members.   I just want to make sure the parents personal physician is the one to work the most with them when it comes to their medical care.  

Sigh.   I think I really need to adjust myself to expecting the unexpected more frequently.  

Patience with elders

I received a call this noon that my mother-in-law was having some sort of episode.   She seemed confused and was refusing to eat.   Naturally I went to see what was up and was thinking perhaps she had a stroke.   She clearly wasn't her normal active self when I got there.   I am one to observe what in the world is going on so took several hours of talking with her and the nurses and she seemed to actually perk up and then was willing to eat.  There is a call into the doctor and so we are waiting for guidance.  

The fact that she perked up speaks loudly to the importance of communicating with our elders and assuring them we care.   I am not patting myself on the back, it was just interesting to see the transformation from the quiet scared woman to the more relaxed and willing to work with us woman in the course of a few hours.   I am grateful she will listen to reason with persistence and grateful she does not appear to have had a stroke.   We shall see.

In the meantime I am just tired.   My youngest had strep and bad ear infections this week.   The older ones have been strongly urged to persevere in their schooling and hopefully they did while I was away this afternoon.   I haven't circled the wagons to see if that is true or not.   I did have the smarts to call in reinforcements to help with dinner at church this evening.   Hopefully I can get to church later but in the meantime will probably slug around.   The phone has not rung for the doctor report so......rest while I can.  

Visits with in-laws

My in-laws are now good and settled at the assisted care living facility and all of their kids seem pleased with their living situation and how things are going.   I would love to be able to visit them more often and squeeze in some quickies here and there.   They are very delighted to have visitors and the atmosphere is much more pleasant as I am visiting them and not living with them.   There is a difference.

I get a quick picture of the reality of life when it isn't the life I am living now.   All of these older folk and  handicapped folk living their lives and routines and how they are not much different than me.   I have routines and ups and downs and surprises which occur.   I feel like I can talk to my mother-in-law in a comfortable way knowing that we both are challenged by goodies, both forget a lot of stuff, and I can kid her a little about her challenges of stepping away from the deserts and the sweet tea.   It is pleasant.   It is also a nice switch from my own routine as the older people there are much more delighted to see me and have a friendly hello than the people I live with as those people I live with see my face a lot.  

Visiting my own parents happens from time to time too.   My mother and I are going to Chicago on Friday to explore and go to a symphony concert.   I did that with her last year around this time.   It should be fun.   I am curious as to what my reaction will be this year.   Taking in live concerts is dreamy and too few and far between.   I find watching the attendees pretty fascinating too the same way it is fascinating to visit with the residents at my in-laws place.   They all have these lives they are living and it is just a curious thing to watch them and listen to them if we have a chance to talk.

One woman I saw yesterday is the wife of one of Charley's ex co-workers.   She was hospitalized last month with bacterial pneumonia.   Yikes.   The infection started to invade her body as well.   So I listen carefully to her story and give her hugging eyes and understanding and it is a sweet conversation.   Her husband is totally incapacitated and she does everything for  him so it was hard to be sick and wonder how he was doing.   The sweetness of her concern.   Sigh.  

Now back to my regularly scheduled program of trying to get something graded, making sure daughter dear practices, and using house cleaning as another method of exercise.   I have to look it that way as the house makes me nutty.   Back to the laundry........

In-law update

Stepping into my in-laws apartment this past week, I was greeted by the happiest woman.   Mom was all smiles and eager to tell me all of her adventures.   Not sure if I have even had a chance to mention that my in-laws are settled in assisted living now and it is going very well for both of them.   Mom is able to do what she wants knowing that her husband is in good hands.    She was getting him ready to go on a scenic drive when I got there and seemed far less impatient with him over getting moving so they could go.    There are so many opportunities there for her to intermingle with people and to simply get out of her four walls.   I am so very pleased for her.   I am pleased for him too as he is well taken care of and she can do what she can to help with that but is not bound to do it all.   Being more rested is awesome for anyone.  

More transitions

So after six months time, with the help of Charley's parents and his sister, we are now in the process of transitioning his parents to an assisted living care center.   They seem okay with it and I know they will be happier there vs being in the midst of what is often times chaos now.   I am thankful I made a call last week to my sister-in-law and we put our heads together.   As when all my 'kids' fly the coop, I know it is going to rather quieter around here.   Change is not without stress.   I will not be bumping into the poor things as I race through the house.   Our house is not actually.....big.   It is sort of spread out and has a lot of little rooms as rooms go.   150 year old houses tend to not be on the big side so even the house will feel huge...er....soon.   Anyway, that is what is new today.   I have lots of ground work to complete to get the process finalized and am extremely grateful for the help I have received from Charley's sister.   Yay.   Resting a bit easier......

Transitions

My in-laws have lived with us since early April.   In that time they have become far more active, eat healthy and are really improving in health and mobility rather than going down hill as is the normal drill for people who are aging and dealing with the challenges which come with that.   So my household of twelve people at home will possibly be shrinking by two as they are looking into the possibility of getting an apartment for Seniors.   The one place we have looked at is new and completely awesome.   I started planning on when I could move there too!   It is an income based set up so I probably wouldn't qualify but my in-laws on the other hand totally qualify in my mind.  

Transition....again.    It will take time and I do think they both will be happier around peers, their own space, and having their own beloved TV with cable.   Whoa.. 

The process has taken a lot of my time and I am tired but since the paper work is done for the place which they are most interested in, all the rest of the place's paper work can happen at a slower pace.   I must pay attention to the kiddos and since moving slower was my goal to begin with, I sort of need to be here at home to get anything done no matter how slowly it happens.   Stay tuned......

And then - sigh

I run out of me to give to all the people who need me.   I love them all but seriously there are times where the inside of me knows full well there is nothing left for me to give to them but they still need me.   What if I can't give anymore right now and I want to go sleep it all off.   What if I don't want to help them at the moment by being nice and kind and patient and would love for someone to take care of me.   This sort of time sucks.  
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I am told I need to plan some serious breaks from it all.   Elder parents who are scared and tired in their own way of being burdens, losing their independence and their health.   Funny how I would love for someone to express concern and care for me and then we turn around and become old people ourselves and fight desperately to not have THAT happen.    Such a humble life we live even if we don't want to live humbly.

More children of older parents thoughts

I think we become better able to care for our elder parents after taking care of our children.   Older folk change before our eyes and revert back to less inhibited behavior.   How to love that......well.....I can't help dividing responses into just being clear and giving straight answers or ignoring.   Patiently enduring is such a challenge at times when I just want to have some chill time myself. 

What if both my plethora of children and both sets of parents have needs all at the same time?   What do I do?   I can only do the next thing and will drop the ball a lot.   Trying.....I do beg for understanding that if I can't do another thing, to please overlook.   I do hope for other family members to step in some or lots and ease the burden.  

Right this very minute I need to get up and put my little people to bed.   I am going to push the eject button and spring into action right?   My dear father-in-law is less than delighted with my inability to keep up with the de-cluttering.   When I am supposed to do with that?   Eject button.  

Pondering my elders,  it is increasingly clear that their sinful self is not a lot different than my sinful self.  In fact.....it isn't different.   They get tired or just want someone to spend time with. There are things they really like to do but then can't.   I probably already said that the last time I posted about this.   It is oddly almost easier to be patient with them than with smaller children.   The biggest puzzle for me right now, is what to do with dementia driven behavior.   Not arguing with them.   Yep.   Best plan.   If they lose control of their own tempers.....that is my next question.   What to do then?   Pray, praise and give thanks seems fitting.   Sigh.   I AM amazed and also sad for the aging process and seeing the effect on the parents.   Wow.   It surely is a learning experience and actually makes parenting my little people much easier.  Wait.....I said the opposite a moment a ago.  

 The bottom line me thinks is little people and  old people and all the people in between have feelings and emotions and fears just like me.   Seeing the natural progression of brain cells growing together and then growing apart.   Yep.   That all makes more sense to me now.   I guess I am on the other side of brain cells growing together.   How does that go?  I am baptized into Christ and so are the people I am dealing with.   Christ has the sin part covered.  Forgiveness of hurts comes easier in light of that.   Some day we will truly rest from our labors.   Thankful for that.   No doubt I will ramble on this subject again sometime soon.   Insight welcomed and experience too.  

Caring for parents

Yesterday was the most I have ever done in the line of caring for parents.   My mother-in-law had cataract surgery in the morning/afternoon.   We were there five hours and my patience was already on the thin side from everything else going on in life but.....the art of nodding my head, listening and responding to needs gets a little sharper it seems as each day passes. 

My father dear needs my mother dear to always be here for him.   She took a trip to Maine to see her friends and sister and it was just a few days too long for him to handle.   It is hard to see but the more people I talk with who have been down this road the more normal it seems and the easier it is to understand and just listen to him and nod my head.   Mom is on her way home early.   My brother and I will have to work on a plan of giving her relief when we can.  

My mother-in-law really is in the same boat.   She can barely leave for any length of time without my father-in-law slowly getting more uncomfortable with her absence.  But she will gleefully run for the door if given the opportunity.   I have no wondrous words of wisdom in reference to taking care of elder parents other than to just let go any past frustrations and learn to nod your head and smile.   It doesn't matter how much you know or what your convictions are.   There comes a point when nodding and listening is the best path.  

I need to work on a plan for giving MYSELF relief.   My in-laws live with us, dear husband's job is changing dramatically, and then kids on both end of the spectrum.   Hmmm.......it is all a puzzle.  

Transition

I probably have mentioned we have thirteen for dinner every night with the age ranging from 21 months to 85 years old.   We are an interesting mix.   I am trying to think of a name for our camp so we can all keep our humor.   The funny thing is I used to think I wanted to be a camp director when I was a youngling so voila!   Now I am.   One of the scheduling issues I am currently pondering is how to make it possible to allow for individual time for everyone.   We have to all get out of our gated community every so often and then of course there is the natural result of having people around you all the time.   Phew.  Teaching everyone that I am not really a mind reader will probably be the most helpful strategy.   Perhaps a communication board.   I am open to ideas.   I also wish I could find a good read on elder care and link in somehow with some people with experience.   I am grateful I did get some breaks this weekend so feel a bit better about facing this coming week.   I of course need to practice "run away from my laptop" to make sure I am actually keeping on top of things.   So far so good.   Here ends this rambling post.    Input welcome.