Kids are normal

The phrase that kids will be kids is so true.  I'm trying to wrap my head more around this when finding messes and taking it all less personally so hat maybe my marbles will stay somewhat together.  A lot of thing in life are just normal.  The toddlers rearrange the house as a regular rule in the name of curiosity.  The energy of pre adolescents can amaze us.  The ability for them to bypass messes is really normal.  It doesn't really matter to them.  They are not of an age to understand the value of what food costs or whether a cup has sentimental value to you as it gets broken.  These events are not personal threats to you.

I can mentally understand the concept of oblivious accidents and messes and even remind other parents of the same.  The puppy dog eyed five year old who might have spilled twenty pounds of oatmeal on the floor really wasn't trying to upset his mom.  So why can't I always recognize this for myself.   Giving kids to do lists without believing they have secret meetings to make you crazy by ignoring you.  The behavior is just normal.

I want to remember this to lower my own stress and just simply have normal cleaning times and lists without internalizing it all.  Every normal child has waited to the last second lest they've discovered.   I remember doing it.  I was an expert.  I was normal.  So talented too I'm sure.  I fought with great skill with my brother and I'm not sure how we made it out alive.   Such awesome memories.

Moving forward with today's tasks and routine is just normal too.   I can't add anything more to our live or implode.   Yeah.  That is a thing.  I do hope that improves as the littles get older so exploring other activities doesn't add to my work load but for now I will just try to be at peace with the normal which is mine.

Transitions

My youngest is four now.   My oldest is twenty-three.   Things are changing and I am muddling through the changes.   For the longest time there were nine kids at home and things were relatively predictable outside of illness and stuff like that.   Now there is no one in diapers and I only have one more kid who needs to teach how to read.   Diapers and teaching kids how to read used to be overwhelming but if I stop and think about it, those things now don't loom over my head.  

Now that there is a little bit more time available, I have started practicing my horn again and am hoping to find more opportunities to play in my older age.   I was encouraged to find a website which stated that it is never too late to pick up your instrument again and have a go at it.   So far I have just rejoined the University band here and just finished up the semester.   We all had fun that and the concert went well.   I can almost play through all my old solo pieces and am working through technique books to improve my accuracy.   I enjoy it.   It is a nice change.

One of the side effects from regaining some of my music skills, is that my kids are taking music more seriously and are getting excited about the things they can learn.   I firmly believe that playing a musical instrument improves brain development as well as teaches dedication and perseverance and......it's fun.  

My older kids lives are changing of course so it has just seemed to me that I need to keep my own mind moving along with learning and relearning new things so I don't get caught mourning their growing up to much.   I have a hammer dulcimer which has too much dust on it and needs some tuning and cleaning.   The more I play my horn, the more I want to make more music.   We shall see how this goes as the weeks and months progress.  

Changes

Today has been a day of catching up on maintenance chores around here.   Maintenance to me means maintaining the yard, keeping up with the laundry, throwing stuff out, etc.    My kids help with some things and other things it is more like pulling teeth.   Looking around the house, which I haven't been here to maintain much in the last month or so, gives me the urge to throw a lot out, give it away, etc.    I sort of wish I had never signed up for the Christmas plethora program to begin with.   I can't change what has past but I think the advice I will give my kids will be to keep Christmas as simple as possible and birthdays too.   What changes can be instilled now to decrease the stuff clutter and stress. 

I have a new grandchild!   This will establish new traditions with my daughter and her family of whether chasing some ideal is a good idea or just kiss up the little one and read to her and perhaps have her pick out books from her Grandma's collection of books to keep.   Maybe I will watch which ones she loves and let that lead the decision.   

My oldest son is now through Marine boot camp and a Marine.   That has twisted my head around to a new understanding of the military which I never had before.   I miss him.   He will not want to come home and sleep on the bunk above his brother.    He has ideas of things to pursue but his ten day leave was not very long to pursue them.    He was so tired but so grown up and more and more a kindred spirit.   I am still here to talk to him and think things through but our relationship is changing to something different.   I like it.   

I see the others growing up and look to the changes which will come.   We are actually out of diapers and that work is far less.   I feel like I can read books again, and even think of some of my own person interests again.   I am having fun including the kids in those interests too so that is a change as well.   I want to go fishing.   I want to row out in the middle of a lake and fish both alone and with a few kids in tow.   These are nice changes.   I like these too.   

More on simplifying

Can I make life any simpler or do I make it more complicated???????    Nine kids.   God has given nine kiddos to the hubby and I and each one of them would like some of my time usually every day.   Staying home as much as possible is my new reminder for myself.   If I lose focus by having tons of appointments etc., then I can't stay home and focus.   They are mostly all on different levels.   My mind keeps a tick list of their strengths and weakness and I try to help each child  keep their focus on them.   I am surprised my brain doesn't blow up on some days.   

When the older kids were young, I had all of these awesome ideals of my hopes and dreams for homeschooling my kids.   Many times I wanted to throw in the towel.   Throwing in the towel amounted to having several days or weeks of discontent and then figuring out how to get everyone back on task, my mind to quit obsessing and feeling sorry for myself, and.....stay home.  There would have been nothing wrong with throwing in the towel btw, but our options here are pretty limited.   

One child has piano.   Two boys have Boy Scouts.   Several have Catechism classes and I do not compromise on church as there I find peace and hope in Word and Sacrament    This leaves little to no time to socialize or go to do much for fun.   I can either gnash my teeth and lament how I can't have 'fun' or forget that and carry on.     It just isn't fun to come home to chaos.   These are the kids God gave me and the hubby and home and this is what I do.   My advice to self is to run away from this computer as much as possible, get up and do what I am given to do and try not to make my life more complicated.   

We do occasionally do fun things but they are usually with part or all of the family.   We went skiing two weeks ago.  The kids go to friends homes to play and goof off.    I went to a symphony concert with my mom in Chicago last Friday.   We had some friends over at various times over the weekend.  One set we see once a year and the rest were children who......played with the kids.    It seems spacing out fun and having significant chunks of hunker down time is the way for me to actually be half way successful at doing this mom and teaching thing.   Then clinging to Christ and the forgiveness of sins is of course the most helpful......but I have to remember that fact too.....thus church is a priority.   Onward.   

Can't be everyone's everything

Greetings from a woman who needs to be *allowed* to be alone.  Allowed to be myself.    My light bulb experience of last night was that it is very difficult for my dear family to give me any space or allow me NOT to take care of them for an hour or so.    Somehow I need to leave my responsibility at the door or inside the door and check my head out for a bit.   They are very trained to still come to me even if I say I am checking out.    Either they come or they  tell me how horrible their life was while caring for the short people while I am away and then I allow the guilt to heap hot coals on my head.   

What is 'away"?   Away could be time to read  a book or walk through the house without being accosted.   My brain is asking for some grace to check out and be by itself a bit.   The mom is a resource for many a trouble on the home front.   The mom doesn't allow herself to clock out for a bit and let all the troubles of the day sit on the sidelines.   Sigh.   This mom may have processed this concept but if the family members don't understand it then the very effort of checking out for a bit is met with many obstacles.

My current mental check out will be to breathe and slow down even more.   Blinders......that might help but will mainly breathe deeply, pray and quiet my inside down as much as mentally possible and also mentally say tough rocks to many of the expectation real or imagined.

Here ends my mental gymnastics of the morning.  

Antiscreamotics

This is the flip side of yelling at kids to *get them* to stop doing whatever they are doing which is frustrating.   My younger kids were getting more and more antsy and screaming and whining more and more in the last few months.   It was admittedly hard to listen to.    What I saw happening was that the younger kids were being left in the dust as schooling with the older children got better and better.   This is a challenge of homeschooling a large age span.   Small children do get more whiny and scream the more there isn't time for them.  

I jokingly asked our doctor if he had a prescription for Antiscreamotics.    Well, my own medicine for the little peeps was to recognize how their buckets were not getting filled.   A concerted effort to spend time with the younger ones even if it is more difficult to get things done has actually helped eliminate the screaming.   Snuggling with their little selves, reading to them, gardening with them,singing hymns with them and even taking one of them with on errands has gone a long way to lower their own frustrations.  

I am a question asker too.   Asking even small questions of the child such as whether they would like to pour their cereal or if they would like me to do it for them.    (Trying to think of an example).   If they are on errands with me, just talking to them about what we see and listening to their jabbering.   These conversations go a long way towards calming their screaming muscle.   Oh.....here is another example which just happened.   Three year old, "Mom, I am done with my banana."   Me, "Now what do you with it?"  Ingrid, "Put it in the trash can."    "Yes."

A recent conversation with one of middlin' kids was about hearing that they are doing something right.   Their grumpy seems to go away just like the little ones,  when they hear what they are doing right and how we are proud of them and love them.    Honestly just the simple declaration of loving them helps both you and the kids.   You and anyone for that matter.    As sinful people there is the sad irony that it is a lot easier to let our family know what they are doing wrong rather than telling them how proud we are of them, that we love them, and also what they are doing right.   

These sort of things are my prescription of Antiscreamotics.   Thanks be to God for Christ's love and forgiveness for US even when we are sinful through and through.  

Mrs. Conductor or conducting class

Admittedly the new conductor of the CSO is great.   You can sense and see him pulling everyone in to play their part and make each piece what he visions it to be or rather what he hears in his mind he wants it to be.   No doubt a conductor's mind is pulled in many directions as he works his way through each piece.  

I was thinking about how I feel much like a conductor when it comes to my orchestra, my family.   We are made up of many different players and talents.   I know family's individual strengths and challenges much like I am sure a conductor knows the strengths and challenges of each instrument and player.   To poke fun at myself, will the the horn player fumble the solo part?   Who should play it?   Can the violins tone it down so the flute part be heard?   Quiet them down so the smaller section can shine.   This all resonates with my life.   I actually enjoy figuring this all out.   The family members compose their own pieces in their own vocations and I help them as I can along the way.  

If the family orchestra is out of tune, then I am faced with how to help them harmonize better and not hurt the audience and each other with their dissonance.   The dissonance can send me off the edge honestly.   Dissonance and vying for fist chair.   With soon to be 14 members,  bumping around together we all will have to learn even more how to work together and harmonize.  

Conducting class is an ongoing process for me.   I screw up.   I get worn out and need a vacation but my vocations keep me plugging along most of the time.   I can't apply for a new position in a new orchestra and I doubt that what I wear charms anyone into listening or harmonizing any better.   I am......a mom.   A wife.   The conductor of this varied and multifaceted group.  They don't always appreciate what I have to say or ask them to do.   I am still a member of the orchestra called family too.   I am not just the conductor.   I will try hard to find days where I can just sit and listen to another orchestra performance but in the meantime, I will try to hang onto my position here and continue  my efforts to help this ensemble play well and nice together.  

Older Kids

So the time is drawing nigh for me to learn more about keeping the balance between understanding my kids point of view and not cramming mine down their throats.   I can think of several instances with my four and perhaps even with my my fifth kid, where I have had to take a deep breath and remember that their life is not mine.   They are not my property.   It takes me a little bit longer to process how I am going to discuss various things with them which come up in conversation instead of the straight forward comments which are directed at the younger kids, "I think you have had a little accident darling, please go change your clothes."    Life is just not that simple anymore.

Obviously they are different people than I am.   My pride in thinking I understand them can muddy the waters of my mind at times and then I have to switch gears to understanding where they are coming from.   I also have to patiently listen and understand or at least try to come to an understanding of where they are coming from.   I don't always understand but I guess that is okay.   Yes.  It is okay.   I pray for my kids and love them along.   I'm not always patient but try like anyone else.   I also have been challenging them to think by perhaps parenting in a different way.   Learning to ask poignant questions of the younglings is a new skill I am working on.   How do I help them to think.   They don't have to agree with me but I do want them to think and also be able to see other people's perspective.   This is tough. 

Funny it has occurred to me that my kids think they understand everything about me too.  I am their mother after all and they know me right?   Well, actually I can think of several instances lately when I could tell they did NOT understand where I was coming from and ya' know what?   That was okay too.   The journey just gets more interesting as I go along.   I am sure too that I I have not seen the end of this experience and hopefully will learn more from experience.  

Mirrors

It is a scary day when you look in the mirror when out with your daughters and......you realize just how fat you are.   I think I am going to give up eating for Advent.   Perhaps a container of yogurt for my Thanksgiving meal and a ten mile bike ride is in order.   Pitching fire wood is for sure on the docket and eating far smaller portions.   Ugh.   Fat.   I am of that age where my metabolism has ceased to function.   I think I just won't sit down during my waking hours and maybe then some of the chub will disappear.    What???   I am ten miles wide.   What???   I need to hide.   What????    I should just stay outside. 

Running away from fat clothes stores.   Stay away from bigger clothes to hide the chub!!!!    Get rid of the chub!!!!!  

Balancing Act

I am trying not to think too hard about about how to get it all done. When your house and life get to the point that it causes you to stare at it all like a bump on a log......where do you begin? You do the next thing. I am glad we can't 'hear' what is going on in other people's brains. The few men folk, friends of the family, who have stopped by lately must be really wondering what is up around here. Nine kiddos, a tired mommy, a traveling daddy, lots of fluff and entertainment in between from the exterior world! Ahhhh!!!!! Griping and not know where to begin. I love it when a mom of one in school starts spilling on me how complicated their lives are. Sigh. I say nothing and smile and nod my head. NO ONE can understand all this bunches of kids stuff unless they live it. Smile and nod, smile and nod. Emotional support of many is....exhausting. Laundry of many is exhausting. Now food for many is not so exhausting as it is just more of the same ingredients. I would be a church basement woman and cook for crowds but.....no thanks. I am not cut out for that job. Conversation from yesterday which spells it all out. "I walk by the plastic tupperware cabinet every day and think about how I really need to weed it out. What is it about a cabinet of mismatched Tupperware which leaves a mom laid out in exhaustion?" Yep. So goes the rest of the house. Tupperware gives one perspective on life I guess. Well, this is just another running at the mouth post. Next stop, eight hours of driving to retrieve my eldest. I am looking forward to my time with her and helping her in any way I can. All you moms out there with bunches, soak it up while you can. Sunday is coming!

The benefits of fever to this mom

So.....having laid in bed for three or four days listening to myself breathe and cough and doing nothing else, I have now awoken from this state with new found energy. The amazing effect of antibiotics on the body that needs it is.....amazing. My theme for this year is follow through. So when I stumbled by the children and increasing disaster, I thought how nice it would be to have energy to attack it. I have at least some now and the kids are probably worried about their leisure time as I am chasing them about to follow through. I begin with the pleasant mom voice and make my cute little requests. Moaning replies bring on the drill sergeant and the fourth commandment. I have sweetly told them they can take their pick.....respond to sweet mother voice promptly without moaning or......I will make things clear to them somehow as to what is needed. Computer games and leisure reading are at risk and on the chopping block. I dream this in the back of their mind when confronted with cute little questions like......have you changed your underwear? Picked up your stinky clothes? Cleaned up your gourmet cooking mess??? You can do it kids! I know you can! Fight the good fight!

Your mother is back......at least for now.....