Friday, August 24, 2012

Can't be everyone's everything

Greetings from a woman who needs to be *allowed* to be alone.  Allowed to be myself.    My light bulb experience of last night was that it is very difficult for my dear family to give me any space or allow me NOT to take care of them for an hour or so.    Somehow I need to leave my responsibility at the door or inside the door and check my head out for a bit.   They are very trained to still come to me even if I say I am checking out.    Either they come or they  tell me how horrible their life was while caring for the short people while I am away and then I allow the guilt to heap hot coals on my head.   

What is 'away"?   Away could be time to read  a book or walk through the house without being accosted.   My brain is asking for some grace to check out and be by itself a bit.   The mom is a resource for many a trouble on the home front.   The mom doesn't allow herself to clock out for a bit and let all the troubles of the day sit on the sidelines.   Sigh.   This mom may have processed this concept but if the family members don't understand it then the very effort of checking out for a bit is met with many obstacles.

My current mental check out will be to breathe and slow down even more.   Blinders......that might help but will mainly breathe deeply, pray and quiet my inside down as much as mentally possible and also mentally say tough rocks to many of the expectation real or imagined.

Here ends my mental gymnastics of the morning.  

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