With the help of my doctor, I had a revelation this week about how to reduce my stress and the rest of the family's stress. I have grown to highly dislike Monday's. Monday evenings are fine with either church or band rehearsal and being able to walk away from a day loaded with stress but the day itself usually makes me want to rip patches of hair out. So......he mentioned an idea in this random conversation, of structuring Monday's to only include the easiest things which do not require tedious one on one work. Eureka! I thought about that and we are only going to read books aloud and practice our instruments and......that's it. If a kid wants to play a little 'catch up' from years of my caring for elders then they can but......not with me unless I'm up to it.
Our weekends are usually full of activities both for the kids, and then husband I try to spend some time on projects or visiting family and friends. No one seems to look forward to the reality of Mondays. I'm emotionally tapped out and overwhelmed. I still have a few kids not reading as well as I would like and then writing ability needs attention with others. We whittle away at this each day and it consumes our lives. I'm determined to quietly be done around two each day and being ok with whatever we accomplished. We need time to breathe and not be on school work duty all the time.
This afternoon I was with one of my kids at the dentist and two moms were discussing how exhausted their kids were with homework til eleven or twelve at night! Yikes. When was childhood robbed by all this schoolwork? I don't want all this stress all day for my kids. On Thursday we finished around two for everyone and everyone went outside and used the swing set and hammock and romped in the woods. I heard my 15 year old exclaim that she hadn't swung on the swing set for forever. Sigh. Sounds like we have been oppressed. Really. I don't want to take their childhood away from them by obsessing over the amount of work they've gotten done. I'm now switching gears to a regular routine with some things like practicing, math, reading instruction and then accepting whichever kids get some work done with me the rest of the day. This is predictably happier. I will know I'm done mid-afternoon and they will experience some freedom each day. Phew. I hope I can make this a lasting plan.
Showing posts with label Coping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Coping. Show all posts
Friday, April 15, 2016
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Conclusion on 'clearing the mind'
I am almost done with said psychology book. The grain I get out of it is to do what I can to stop thinking about the yuck that comes my way from various locations in the form of dysfunction. My own interpretation of this is that ultimately it doesn't matter, Christ is still risen from the dead. It doesn't matter if my encounters are anxiety ridden and hard for me to be patient with. There is a way to separate the dysfunction from dragging me down which include forgiveness, doing what I can to not respond and to remember Christ is risen from the dead so.....carry on. I don't think I would recommend this book to someone who is not well grounded in the faith. If you find me sitting like a Buddha in the corner humming, please have a chat with me okay? Continuing in the hearing and preaching of the Word, Confession and Absolution, prayer and Catechesis. That seems like a good plan. We are not ducks which can let it all roll off our backs easily but we can remember how we are grounded.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Clearing the mind rewritten for Lutherans
First off, no one is going to get life 'right' by their own efforts. I am reading a book which is basically about untangling yourself from all of the life drama which distracts you from.....(read dramatically).....who you really are. Well, the reason I am reading it to begin with is to see what I can glean out of it to learn to detach myself from unavoidable dysfunctional behavior encountered in life. Simply put, don't allow the dysfunctional behavior rock my world or consume me. The title is "The Unteathered Soul". It is very yoga like but it did have a few good points worth sharing so am translating in Lutheran talk.
The first point I found of value is that in today's modern society, we have a lot of time on our hands to allow for the mind to dwell on every little thing we do and every thing we see others doing. In days gone by people were pretty busy working, making and preparing food, and basically doing those things which are done to survive. We are much more tied today to a world that allows us time to think about what everyone else is doing and then worrying about what we say and do around them. I am not sure my explanation of this makes sense, but it makes sense to me that if I truly was busy wondering if we had food on the table and life was less cluttered by my gadgets, I would not have so much stuff to get worried and fussed up about. So.....the book suggests decluttering our minds of all these things which compete for our minds attention. As a Lutheran, I would suggest this same point would be to mind my own vocations and live in repentance for those vocations I am neglecting - the God given ones. Minding my own vocation leaves me a lot less time to think on what everyone else is doing and get busy doing what I am supposed to be doing. Yeah, I fail at this but and ask forgiveness for that and I truly want to do better.
This point led to 'clearing the mind' which of course is......Buddha like. There is much talk in the book of how to do this. Making choices as to what I react to and perhaps choosing NOT to react. The author gives the example (which I am not siting as I am sort of rambling), of thinking on whether it is a good idea to react to some encounter where I could either choose not to let it bother me and forget it or, perhaps I might choose to give a person a piece of my mind. The second choice, aka sin - anger, murder in my heart - comes with consequences. Even if the choice is I decide to give some snarky remark, there is still a consequence to that choice. I am still responsible for those words. The author makes reference to this as clearing your mind, and I would call it calling upon the Lord to guard my mouth and to actually consider the consequence of my sin.
The last point I read was on making a routine of clearing your mind. My Lutheran response, is that it would be a good practice to use that routine in prayer and remembering my baptism. They suggest every time you enter the car and before you exit it. That is not a bad choice if I use that as a time to remember my baptism and who it is that saves me - Christ Jesus - and not my effort to keep my mind under control. Remembering my baptism always brings to my mind who paid the price for my sin. I personally do rush from one thing to another so the routines set forth in the Catechism for prayer and examining one self make sense and are helpful in minding my own vocations.
Clearing the mind - Confession and Absolution. Yes. That is clearing your mind. I value this practice and hearing the words of absolution are most important in 'letting it go'. Seeking Absolution is a to seek the forgiveness of our sins - to seek Absolution from the Pastor as from Christ himself. I am referring to private Confession and Absolution here. Christ's forgiveness can not be substituted by making an effort to clear the mind. There is no substitute. Humanly speaking we can ponder the futility of our anxieties and desire to be in control of every situation to avoid the pain that comes in this fallen world.
I am going to keep plugging my way through the book anyway as there have been a few good points to think about in my reaction to the world around me but this is my Lutheran response. The best point thus far was the point on thinking on how I react to what comes at me in life and how much energy I spend ruminating on them. Choosing to not let the yuck effect me is a good start to dealing with the dysfunctional/sinful behavior I encounter in life. This seemed pretty lightly touched on but I have a third of the book left so maybe the author will touch more on that later.
The first point I found of value is that in today's modern society, we have a lot of time on our hands to allow for the mind to dwell on every little thing we do and every thing we see others doing. In days gone by people were pretty busy working, making and preparing food, and basically doing those things which are done to survive. We are much more tied today to a world that allows us time to think about what everyone else is doing and then worrying about what we say and do around them. I am not sure my explanation of this makes sense, but it makes sense to me that if I truly was busy wondering if we had food on the table and life was less cluttered by my gadgets, I would not have so much stuff to get worried and fussed up about. So.....the book suggests decluttering our minds of all these things which compete for our minds attention. As a Lutheran, I would suggest this same point would be to mind my own vocations and live in repentance for those vocations I am neglecting - the God given ones. Minding my own vocation leaves me a lot less time to think on what everyone else is doing and get busy doing what I am supposed to be doing. Yeah, I fail at this but and ask forgiveness for that and I truly want to do better.
This point led to 'clearing the mind' which of course is......Buddha like. There is much talk in the book of how to do this. Making choices as to what I react to and perhaps choosing NOT to react. The author gives the example (which I am not siting as I am sort of rambling), of thinking on whether it is a good idea to react to some encounter where I could either choose not to let it bother me and forget it or, perhaps I might choose to give a person a piece of my mind. The second choice, aka sin - anger, murder in my heart - comes with consequences. Even if the choice is I decide to give some snarky remark, there is still a consequence to that choice. I am still responsible for those words. The author makes reference to this as clearing your mind, and I would call it calling upon the Lord to guard my mouth and to actually consider the consequence of my sin.
The last point I read was on making a routine of clearing your mind. My Lutheran response, is that it would be a good practice to use that routine in prayer and remembering my baptism. They suggest every time you enter the car and before you exit it. That is not a bad choice if I use that as a time to remember my baptism and who it is that saves me - Christ Jesus - and not my effort to keep my mind under control. Remembering my baptism always brings to my mind who paid the price for my sin. I personally do rush from one thing to another so the routines set forth in the Catechism for prayer and examining one self make sense and are helpful in minding my own vocations.
Clearing the mind - Confession and Absolution. Yes. That is clearing your mind. I value this practice and hearing the words of absolution are most important in 'letting it go'. Seeking Absolution is a to seek the forgiveness of our sins - to seek Absolution from the Pastor as from Christ himself. I am referring to private Confession and Absolution here. Christ's forgiveness can not be substituted by making an effort to clear the mind. There is no substitute. Humanly speaking we can ponder the futility of our anxieties and desire to be in control of every situation to avoid the pain that comes in this fallen world.
I am going to keep plugging my way through the book anyway as there have been a few good points to think about in my reaction to the world around me but this is my Lutheran response. The best point thus far was the point on thinking on how I react to what comes at me in life and how much energy I spend ruminating on them. Choosing to not let the yuck effect me is a good start to dealing with the dysfunctional/sinful behavior I encounter in life. This seemed pretty lightly touched on but I have a third of the book left so maybe the author will touch more on that later.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Distraction by Reading
I have this stupid struggle with depression and so since it is stupid but real, I have decided to distract myself by reading.....a lot. The internet gives a person popcorn brain and facebook does not help all that much to distract but rather detracts from my functioning so.......between running away from the internet, at least during most of the day, and whacking away at my 'want to reads' and 'want to read to the kids' agenda, I might be able to keep my mind occupied against the evils lurking at my door with my head. Sounds like a plan.
Of course reading could add to depression if I read to avoid real life. Yuck. The balance is a pain. Can I handle structured life? I might be able to remember structured life this week, but maybe I will forget next week? Who knows.
My last read, "A Tale of Two Cities" was very awesome. Some say it has too much tedium in the beginning, but I think I just want to reread the beginning so I can connect the dots of all the nuances I missed the first time round. It took me weeks to find time to read at all so I thought I was just mixed up from forgetting what had already happened. Perhaps I was just a bit lost. I highly recommend it for excellent weaving of events and characters. The Christ like sacrifice was beautifully written and a basic work of art. Images of the feet walking and walking forward through life and death the sure end to all were rich. I kind of wonder now if my grandfather was a fan of this book or if he chose the verse for his gravestone from a basic love of the promise it holds. Perhaps my grandmother chose it. Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.[d] Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. John 11: 25 - 26. Perhaps I will choose this for my gravestone. I never met my grandfather but feel bonded to him in this verse. It was a key verse in "A Tale". Yay Dickens! There are some of his I want to reread.
So other than reading and running away from the internet as much as this weakling can manage.....remembering my responsibilities might be helpful too. Hmmmm........runs away from laptop.
Of course reading could add to depression if I read to avoid real life. Yuck. The balance is a pain. Can I handle structured life? I might be able to remember structured life this week, but maybe I will forget next week? Who knows.
My last read, "A Tale of Two Cities" was very awesome. Some say it has too much tedium in the beginning, but I think I just want to reread the beginning so I can connect the dots of all the nuances I missed the first time round. It took me weeks to find time to read at all so I thought I was just mixed up from forgetting what had already happened. Perhaps I was just a bit lost. I highly recommend it for excellent weaving of events and characters. The Christ like sacrifice was beautifully written and a basic work of art. Images of the feet walking and walking forward through life and death the sure end to all were rich. I kind of wonder now if my grandfather was a fan of this book or if he chose the verse for his gravestone from a basic love of the promise it holds. Perhaps my grandmother chose it. Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life.[d] Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, 26 and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. John 11: 25 - 26. Perhaps I will choose this for my gravestone. I never met my grandfather but feel bonded to him in this verse. It was a key verse in "A Tale". Yay Dickens! There are some of his I want to reread.
So other than reading and running away from the internet as much as this weakling can manage.....remembering my responsibilities might be helpful too. Hmmmm........runs away from laptop.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Don't Stew
I didn't know what else to call this post. It isn't related to meat. It is about stewing over past hurts and disappointments. I read recently, and wish I could remember where, an article about how to avoid letting hurtful words get inside you and fester. I don't know why the article seemed fresh to me. I have heard this sort of message plenty of times in conversation, sermons, advice given, but it struck me differently this time around. The article was completely a reminder to discipline yourself not to give recognition to hurts by repeating them to yourself or to others.
Examples of this came to mind. I don't think I go anywhere without hearing women grousing about something. Famous grousing is over little bitter comments of what their mother-in-law said or mother or neighbor or friend did......at their wedding, while they were expecting their first or second child, at church. The example helped me ponder what would happen if we could just keep our mouths shut over these little hurts and injustices. What if. Well, I think the hurt and injustice would not become cemented in our brains so hard. We might get along with those people more. Repeating it just makes it fresh and hurtful all over again and of course we hurt the person who hurt us to begin with. Why do this?
I think we tell these stories because it is fun and gives us attention and makes us feel better about ourselves. That is not MY fresh observation (thanks Pastor). (Thanks Jesus). Shutting down our urge to grouse is a hard discipline but a worthwhile effort. It isn't our effort but the work of the Holy Spirit.
Explaining this further is hard for me to put into words. Looking backwards, I can think of the many brides who spent years griping about what went wrong at their wedding. What if..........they just overlooked what happened, if I overlooked what happened that was actually not that big a deal in the great scheme of life, and instead loved our neighbor by forgiving them and shutting up about it. The hurt would leave the crevices of our mind and maybe we wouldn't have as much fun talking about our neighbor who hurt us. Would that be so horrible? 50 plus years of grousing can be repeated and to what profit is THAT???? What if someone hurts us this week???? What if we just kept it to ourselves? What if we didn't confront the person who hurt us (already screwed up with that thought today), then what? Well, I am not going to try to answer that question but I do know this concept will always be a struggle for us sinners. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord that our sin is forgiven. Thanks be to God that the Holy Spirit gives me a good shake every so often. Thanks. I needed that.
Examples of this came to mind. I don't think I go anywhere without hearing women grousing about something. Famous grousing is over little bitter comments of what their mother-in-law said or mother or neighbor or friend did......at their wedding, while they were expecting their first or second child, at church. The example helped me ponder what would happen if we could just keep our mouths shut over these little hurts and injustices. What if. Well, I think the hurt and injustice would not become cemented in our brains so hard. We might get along with those people more. Repeating it just makes it fresh and hurtful all over again and of course we hurt the person who hurt us to begin with. Why do this?
I think we tell these stories because it is fun and gives us attention and makes us feel better about ourselves. That is not MY fresh observation (thanks Pastor). (Thanks Jesus). Shutting down our urge to grouse is a hard discipline but a worthwhile effort. It isn't our effort but the work of the Holy Spirit.
Explaining this further is hard for me to put into words. Looking backwards, I can think of the many brides who spent years griping about what went wrong at their wedding. What if..........they just overlooked what happened, if I overlooked what happened that was actually not that big a deal in the great scheme of life, and instead loved our neighbor by forgiving them and shutting up about it. The hurt would leave the crevices of our mind and maybe we wouldn't have as much fun talking about our neighbor who hurt us. Would that be so horrible? 50 plus years of grousing can be repeated and to what profit is THAT???? What if someone hurts us this week???? What if we just kept it to ourselves? What if we didn't confront the person who hurt us (already screwed up with that thought today), then what? Well, I am not going to try to answer that question but I do know this concept will always be a struggle for us sinners. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord that our sin is forgiven. Thanks be to God that the Holy Spirit gives me a good shake every so often. Thanks. I needed that.
Monday, January 21, 2013
More on simplifying
Can I make life any simpler or do I make it more complicated??????? Nine kids. God has given nine kiddos to the hubby and I and each one of them would like some of my time usually every day. Staying home as much as possible is my new reminder for myself. If I lose focus by having tons of appointments etc., then I can't stay home and focus. They are mostly all on different levels. My mind keeps a tick list of their strengths and weakness and I try to help each child keep their focus on them. I am surprised my brain doesn't blow up on some days.
When the older kids were young, I had all of these awesome ideals of my hopes and dreams for homeschooling my kids. Many times I wanted to throw in the towel. Throwing in the towel amounted to having several days or weeks of discontent and then figuring out how to get everyone back on task, my mind to quit obsessing and feeling sorry for myself, and.....stay home. There would have been nothing wrong with throwing in the towel btw, but our options here are pretty limited.
One child has piano. Two boys have Boy Scouts. Several have Catechism classes and I do not compromise on church as there I find peace and hope in Word and Sacrament This leaves little to no time to socialize or go to do much for fun. I can either gnash my teeth and lament how I can't have 'fun' or forget that and carry on. It just isn't fun to come home to chaos. These are the kids God gave me and the hubby and home and this is what I do. My advice to self is to run away from this computer as much as possible, get up and do what I am given to do and try not to make my life more complicated.
We do occasionally do fun things but they are usually with part or all of the family. We went skiing two weeks ago. The kids go to friends homes to play and goof off. I went to a symphony concert with my mom in Chicago last Friday. We had some friends over at various times over the weekend. One set we see once a year and the rest were children who......played with the kids. It seems spacing out fun and having significant chunks of hunker down time is the way for me to actually be half way successful at doing this mom and teaching thing. Then clinging to Christ and the forgiveness of sins is of course the most helpful......but I have to remember that fact too.....thus church is a priority. Onward.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
And then there is reality
I have awesome thoughts about what to do but in reality, we trip through the day slowly and hope to not either wallow in filth, hope to have a pair of socks to wear, hope to know what is for dinner etc. Today I have two appointments in the morning, tomorrow hopefully only one as I change the time of another. The in-laws need attention, and husband is away again. Staying home as much as possible is still my mantra. If I am not here, things fall apart (never read that book). So my son gets a staph infection, I stand vigil and pray for healing, days are not as I think they will be and we muddle along. Thanks be to God for Christ's Mercy. That is my other mantra. So much going on and I know I am finite and frail in many ways so will do my best to not allow the devil to get his crooks in me and to cry out to the Lord daily. So much to write about so little time.......
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Contentment training
There has been some discussion elsewhere about loneliness at home with the kiddos. I have certainly struggled with this over the years but the more I think about it and live this crazy life, I do see that learning a little more self control over my ADD desire to do stuff with others, does help me be happier to just be at home. I pile the guilt higher and deeper when I am not here and we accomplish little. It is the life of bunches of kids to begin with, especially if you aspire to home educate the kids. Our hands seem to be tied in this regard.
There are things I would like to do better with the kids at home anyway so how can I do that if I am itching to be with adults???? I have to build time in life to do these things. I want my kids to learn to read to me. I want to read more to them. I want to help them learn to do their own laundry and care about what the house looks like....more.....not perfectly, just more. I want to cook more yummy nutritious foods so the kids whine less and are more content themselves. Talking to the kids only happens if I am home more. When I am not home, I need to take some kids with me and not just crave time to escape. It really helps their little selves feel better and then we all feel better.
One day at a time. Conscientious effort to make appointments later in the day and bunch a few together. Plan meals so I don't make lots of little trips to the store. Revolve the family life also around prayer and the church. If we start skipping morning Catechesis we are already off to a bad unsettling start.
Norms of society, especially American society, give us all ADD. ADHD really. Hyper life. Scrambled family. I can't take too much of that for very long so am trying to choose not to choose that life. Scouts and church and piano lessons about kill me. These are all rambling thoughts. Perhaps I will gather my thoughts and make this a more organized thought. Feel free to add your own thoughts and frustrations.
There are things I would like to do better with the kids at home anyway so how can I do that if I am itching to be with adults???? I have to build time in life to do these things. I want my kids to learn to read to me. I want to read more to them. I want to help them learn to do their own laundry and care about what the house looks like....more.....not perfectly, just more. I want to cook more yummy nutritious foods so the kids whine less and are more content themselves. Talking to the kids only happens if I am home more. When I am not home, I need to take some kids with me and not just crave time to escape. It really helps their little selves feel better and then we all feel better.
One day at a time. Conscientious effort to make appointments later in the day and bunch a few together. Plan meals so I don't make lots of little trips to the store. Revolve the family life also around prayer and the church. If we start skipping morning Catechesis we are already off to a bad unsettling start.
Norms of society, especially American society, give us all ADD. ADHD really. Hyper life. Scrambled family. I can't take too much of that for very long so am trying to choose not to choose that life. Scouts and church and piano lessons about kill me. These are all rambling thoughts. Perhaps I will gather my thoughts and make this a more organized thought. Feel free to add your own thoughts and frustrations.
Staying home more
Now that my in-laws are moved to a better situation for everyone, I need to guard my time and calendar from trips out of the house with vigilance. Every time I have to leave it is as if I have thrown the whole day away. My hubby is working three hours away for three days of the week right now and that will probably become the norm. We home educate......that might require being home. I hate how it is assumed since my kids are at home that their appointments can be made any time of the day. With dad away and then mom is away.....ugh. Does not work. I have been thinking much about the benefit to the kids to just be home with them and the dividends are small children who are more settled and secure and older kids who are also more secure and not weaseling out of their responsibilities. More later......
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Four or five days later.....or more
On Monday I put a cup of butter in my awesome Bosch mixer which takes up tons of space on my limited counter. I thought that banana oatmeal bars sounded.....um....healthy? It sounded like one of those things which well organized, conscientious mothers make for their children for breakfast. Well, I didn't get to the rest of the ingredients jumping in the mixer till....Thursday. How pathetic is that???!!!! In the meantime, the counter has been missing the dish drying rack as there was no room, who knows what shape the butter really is in, and the other adults in the family have worked patiently around it and didn't ask any questions. The inside of me knew that there was most likely a bit of 'better not ask' going on in their heads and today hopefully they will get to eat some of it. The sad thing is that I misread the recipe and put in white sugar instead of brown. Four days and I still don't get it right.
I see examples of this all over the place around here. The kids dutifully squished the tomatoes and made sauce on Monday.....it is definitely boiled down and ready to be canned but it hasn't happened yet. Martin found copious beans on Tuesday and they are snapped and ready to be canned. They are waiting too.
I've run experiments with the kids. There was a pile of someone's socks in the hallway upstairs years back and I decided to see if they would ever disappear. Well, I think after six months I gave up and decided to just pick them up but it was interesting to walk by. I did mention them several times. Experiments like this are a recipe for my insanity and shouldn't be tried.
I am not sure how to turn off that overwhelm feeling but will push along to do the next thing and hope for the best....today.
I see examples of this all over the place around here. The kids dutifully squished the tomatoes and made sauce on Monday.....it is definitely boiled down and ready to be canned but it hasn't happened yet. Martin found copious beans on Tuesday and they are snapped and ready to be canned. They are waiting too.
I've run experiments with the kids. There was a pile of someone's socks in the hallway upstairs years back and I decided to see if they would ever disappear. Well, I think after six months I gave up and decided to just pick them up but it was interesting to walk by. I did mention them several times. Experiments like this are a recipe for my insanity and shouldn't be tried.
I am not sure how to turn off that overwhelm feeling but will push along to do the next thing and hope for the best....today.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Invited to tea
I was invited to have tea with a friend today. My inner overwhelmed is fighting the urge to go with my first plan of getting tons of math done with the kids today and finding my debit card in the abyss also known as my bedroom. This is a ridiculous decision. Laugh and enjoy the company of an awesome person or......review fractions and square roots and....
The last two days were completely eaten with apartment shopping for my in-laws. Sigh. I see things slipping around here worse than they were. We don't have any desirable food, there are tomato sauce and green beans to can, and all my previous projects of expanding the house are not quite completed.
Another friend and I were chatting yesterday about what it meant years ago to care for our parents and how was it different. If I had nine kids in the seventies or earlier, I would have had most of them in school. She pointed out that my full time job of home educating and simply taking care of the family is huge. The stress of problem solving and figuring out how to get a single thing done under these circumstances is pretty daunting.
So I have decided to have tea with my friend and try to be disciplined enough to head for home at a reasonable time. Sigh. If my expectation is to only get a tiny bit of something done, then I won't panic. Slowing down my thinking to be content with hardly a thing is still a challenge. Sigh again.
Onward
The last two days were completely eaten with apartment shopping for my in-laws. Sigh. I see things slipping around here worse than they were. We don't have any desirable food, there are tomato sauce and green beans to can, and all my previous projects of expanding the house are not quite completed.
Another friend and I were chatting yesterday about what it meant years ago to care for our parents and how was it different. If I had nine kids in the seventies or earlier, I would have had most of them in school. She pointed out that my full time job of home educating and simply taking care of the family is huge. The stress of problem solving and figuring out how to get a single thing done under these circumstances is pretty daunting.
So I have decided to have tea with my friend and try to be disciplined enough to head for home at a reasonable time. Sigh. If my expectation is to only get a tiny bit of something done, then I won't panic. Slowing down my thinking to be content with hardly a thing is still a challenge. Sigh again.
Onward
Saturday, September 8, 2012
House expansion
Quick post before I leap into action again. We desperately need more room around here so I am doing all I can this day to get rid of stuff, put stuff away, and move as much furniture out of the house as possible. We were thinking of changing the 'spare house' (shack) into living space for the kids but have since tabled that. So......I am going to use the space so maybe we can have some in here. Desperate times call for Karin making a calmer setting for the house of crazies. We don't have money for any other type of expansion so this seems like a good plan to me.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Can't be everyone's everything
Greetings from a woman who needs to be *allowed* to be alone. Allowed to be myself. My light bulb experience of last night was that it is very difficult for my dear family to give me any space or allow me NOT to take care of them for an hour or so. Somehow I need to leave my responsibility at the door or inside the door and check my head out for a bit. They are very trained to still come to me even if I say I am checking out. Either they come or they tell me how horrible their life was while caring for the short people while I am away and then I allow the guilt to heap hot coals on my head.
What is 'away"? Away could be time to read a book or walk through the house without being accosted. My brain is asking for some grace to check out and be by itself a bit. The mom is a resource for many a trouble on the home front. The mom doesn't allow herself to clock out for a bit and let all the troubles of the day sit on the sidelines. Sigh. This mom may have processed this concept but if the family members don't understand it then the very effort of checking out for a bit is met with many obstacles.
My current mental check out will be to breathe and slow down even more. Blinders......that might help but will mainly breathe deeply, pray and quiet my inside down as much as mentally possible and also mentally say tough rocks to many of the expectation real or imagined.
Here ends my mental gymnastics of the morning.
What is 'away"? Away could be time to read a book or walk through the house without being accosted. My brain is asking for some grace to check out and be by itself a bit. The mom is a resource for many a trouble on the home front. The mom doesn't allow herself to clock out for a bit and let all the troubles of the day sit on the sidelines. Sigh. This mom may have processed this concept but if the family members don't understand it then the very effort of checking out for a bit is met with many obstacles.
My current mental check out will be to breathe and slow down even more. Blinders......that might help but will mainly breathe deeply, pray and quiet my inside down as much as mentally possible and also mentally say tough rocks to many of the expectation real or imagined.
Here ends my mental gymnastics of the morning.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Simpler and simpler
Charted out the week for the coming school year and I see that there are about 18 realistic hours per week to devote to individual or group attention to the kiddo. How to use the time is the question. It seems the best thing to do in order to both relieve stress and guilt and eventually get something done, is to lay out the possibilities of subjects we can work on and then take a deep breath and make some sort of decision.
I started reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" to my eleven year old. I was asked by my mother-in-law why I was reading to her since she should be reading to me. The explanation again was that the amount of learning we get from the conversations we have is exponential compared to any sort of text book I might do with her. That book in particular is very rich in information between the lines, that in the first chapter alone we talked for over an hour as we progressed through. Win.
I will most likely need to do more of this sort of learning this year with the kids as breathing alone around here is a challenge at best at times. I enjoy this sort of time with them anyway. Now to science out what that will be and resist the temptation to compare myself to the overachiever moms in my life.
I started reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" to my eleven year old. I was asked by my mother-in-law why I was reading to her since she should be reading to me. The explanation again was that the amount of learning we get from the conversations we have is exponential compared to any sort of text book I might do with her. That book in particular is very rich in information between the lines, that in the first chapter alone we talked for over an hour as we progressed through. Win.
I will most likely need to do more of this sort of learning this year with the kids as breathing alone around here is a challenge at best at times. I enjoy this sort of time with them anyway. Now to science out what that will be and resist the temptation to compare myself to the overachiever moms in my life.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
More children of older parents thoughts
I think we become better able to care for our elder parents after taking care of our children. Older folk change before our eyes and revert back to less inhibited behavior. How to love that......well.....I can't help dividing responses into just being clear and giving straight answers or ignoring. Patiently enduring is such a challenge at times when I just want to have some chill time myself.
What if both my plethora of children and both sets of parents have needs all at the same time? What do I do? I can only do the next thing and will drop the ball a lot. Trying.....I do beg for understanding that if I can't do another thing, to please overlook. I do hope for other family members to step in some or lots and ease the burden.
Right this very minute I need to get up and put my little people to bed. I am going to push the eject button and spring into action right? My dear father-in-law is less than delighted with my inability to keep up with the de-cluttering. When I am supposed to do with that? Eject button.
Pondering my elders, it is increasingly clear that their sinful self is not a lot different than my sinful self. In fact.....it isn't different. They get tired or just want someone to spend time with. There are things they really like to do but then can't. I probably already said that the last time I posted about this. It is oddly almost easier to be patient with them than with smaller children. The biggest puzzle for me right now, is what to do with dementia driven behavior. Not arguing with them. Yep. Best plan. If they lose control of their own tempers.....that is my next question. What to do then? Pray, praise and give thanks seems fitting. Sigh. I AM amazed and also sad for the aging process and seeing the effect on the parents. Wow. It surely is a learning experience and actually makes parenting my little people much easier. Wait.....I said the opposite a moment a ago.
The bottom line me thinks is little people and old people and all the people in between have feelings and emotions and fears just like me. Seeing the natural progression of brain cells growing together and then growing apart. Yep. That all makes more sense to me now. I guess I am on the other side of brain cells growing together. How does that go? I am baptized into Christ and so are the people I am dealing with. Christ has the sin part covered. Forgiveness of hurts comes easier in light of that. Some day we will truly rest from our labors. Thankful for that. No doubt I will ramble on this subject again sometime soon. Insight welcomed and experience too.
What if both my plethora of children and both sets of parents have needs all at the same time? What do I do? I can only do the next thing and will drop the ball a lot. Trying.....I do beg for understanding that if I can't do another thing, to please overlook. I do hope for other family members to step in some or lots and ease the burden.
Right this very minute I need to get up and put my little people to bed. I am going to push the eject button and spring into action right? My dear father-in-law is less than delighted with my inability to keep up with the de-cluttering. When I am supposed to do with that? Eject button.
Pondering my elders, it is increasingly clear that their sinful self is not a lot different than my sinful self. In fact.....it isn't different. They get tired or just want someone to spend time with. There are things they really like to do but then can't. I probably already said that the last time I posted about this. It is oddly almost easier to be patient with them than with smaller children. The biggest puzzle for me right now, is what to do with dementia driven behavior. Not arguing with them. Yep. Best plan. If they lose control of their own tempers.....that is my next question. What to do then? Pray, praise and give thanks seems fitting. Sigh. I AM amazed and also sad for the aging process and seeing the effect on the parents. Wow. It surely is a learning experience and actually makes parenting my little people much easier. Wait.....I said the opposite a moment a ago.
The bottom line me thinks is little people and old people and all the people in between have feelings and emotions and fears just like me. Seeing the natural progression of brain cells growing together and then growing apart. Yep. That all makes more sense to me now. I guess I am on the other side of brain cells growing together. How does that go? I am baptized into Christ and so are the people I am dealing with. Christ has the sin part covered. Forgiveness of hurts comes easier in light of that. Some day we will truly rest from our labors. Thankful for that. No doubt I will ramble on this subject again sometime soon. Insight welcomed and experience too.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
It Beat Me
I have lost count how many days it has been over 100 degrees and it finally beat me. Heat rash and basic misery will bring a person to tears even if they are addicted to things like biking and gardening or mowing the lawn. Watched the Tour de France this morning and contemplated going biking with much emphasis on contemplating. I will bike in 25 degree F weather but NOT in this. Saw some inspired bikers yesterday and today but I think they really should catch a plane to France where it is cooler and do their biking there.
Thursday I received hundreds of annuals free and unbelievably I am not outside planting them. I am totally lying in wait for the temperature to go down which supposedly it is going to this evening. Next week the highs are only in the eighties.
My 14 year old dog gets thirsty and has no bladder control and so......he pees......all over my house. We can't put him outside and I can't keep the water away from him. He needs a bath several times a day and......it is too hot to go and do that. Maybe later. Poor dog. Poor floor. Poor mop.
I have vegetables in the garden which need to be picked and I just can't even bring myself to go and get them!!! I sent Erik to get the ones which I know must be picked and have plans for what to make with them here in a bit. Cooking requires moving so maybe I need to drink a gallon of something to encourage my body to move.
This is a whining post. I remember the day when I didn't whine about not being able to work outside. I would grab a book and hunker down. Those days were from my lazy youth I guess. I thought I would sit and knit or something this afternoon but blob existence is all that is happening. So.....I will wait for the sun to go down when it seems more permissible for me to be sleeping and in the meantime I might......sleep. God bless a friend who took on my short people this afternoon so I could do that. Huge appreciation.
Thursday I received hundreds of annuals free and unbelievably I am not outside planting them. I am totally lying in wait for the temperature to go down which supposedly it is going to this evening. Next week the highs are only in the eighties.
My 14 year old dog gets thirsty and has no bladder control and so......he pees......all over my house. We can't put him outside and I can't keep the water away from him. He needs a bath several times a day and......it is too hot to go and do that. Maybe later. Poor dog. Poor floor. Poor mop.
I have vegetables in the garden which need to be picked and I just can't even bring myself to go and get them!!! I sent Erik to get the ones which I know must be picked and have plans for what to make with them here in a bit. Cooking requires moving so maybe I need to drink a gallon of something to encourage my body to move.
This is a whining post. I remember the day when I didn't whine about not being able to work outside. I would grab a book and hunker down. Those days were from my lazy youth I guess. I thought I would sit and knit or something this afternoon but blob existence is all that is happening. So.....I will wait for the sun to go down when it seems more permissible for me to be sleeping and in the meantime I might......sleep. God bless a friend who took on my short people this afternoon so I could do that. Huge appreciation.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Other end of the spectrum
I think I need to go back to school and take some classes on elder care. Our evening 'new' family member Jim, revealed to Charley he doesn't think he has long to live. Hmmmm......I am not sure what that means for him as he won't tell us. I am a little suspicious he may have had some small strokes as he repeats himself a lot and seems to not remember some of the things we have talked about in the past.
My soon to be in house member mother-in-law has stage 2 diabetes. I don't know much of anything about that. She has had small strokes for sure in the past. She has successfully lost 30 pounds though too and wants to stay at her current weight. My father-in-law is 85 and has ALSO had strokes but his were more significant. I think I need to clear out the medicine cabinet and make some sort of organized space there to keep track of everything that goes with all of this.
I don't want to lose 'myself' either in the changes around here. If anyone outside of the family has expectations of me I am thinking I will most likely flounder. I hope to follow through as well as I can on those things I have already committed to but might learn a lot about delegating. Ugh. I think I am having a bit of a panic attack just thinking about it all. So.....I will stop thinking and get up and find my nine year old Benjamin's math book. Math......it has to still happen. Karin has to keep her marbles. Routine will either help me or kill me. Where is the off button on my brain........
My soon to be in house member mother-in-law has stage 2 diabetes. I don't know much of anything about that. She has had small strokes for sure in the past. She has successfully lost 30 pounds though too and wants to stay at her current weight. My father-in-law is 85 and has ALSO had strokes but his were more significant. I think I need to clear out the medicine cabinet and make some sort of organized space there to keep track of everything that goes with all of this.
I don't want to lose 'myself' either in the changes around here. If anyone outside of the family has expectations of me I am thinking I will most likely flounder. I hope to follow through as well as I can on those things I have already committed to but might learn a lot about delegating. Ugh. I think I am having a bit of a panic attack just thinking about it all. So.....I will stop thinking and get up and find my nine year old Benjamin's math book. Math......it has to still happen. Karin has to keep her marbles. Routine will either help me or kill me. Where is the off button on my brain........
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Lab rats
This is the flip side of the last post. The little cherubs residing in our home might need compassion but they also are at times little buzzards. Little sinners, little buzzards..... In a lame attempt to discover a more peaceful home, I have been chasing all sorts of methods to better cheerfulness around here. The first experiment on the lab rats was to make a star chart and hand out stars for random acts of responsible, helpful behavior. Now I just need to remember to do it. They seemed to respond to that variable. The best news is the husband really has responded. That is so cute. He has been doing an amazing job of helping out around here. His 13 year old clone also seems to appreciate the star chart so I will somehow have to remember this more often. The littlest people could use some stars if they actually spend any length of time not whining, crying or screaming.
In light of little screamers, I pondered how to extinguish this behavior for increased peace around here. Yesterday I was pretty much intolerant of this behavior and had children washing floors, running around the house and sitting on their beds to do their own pondering. It got a bit ridiculous so my revised plan is to pick a kid and try to assist one at a time to work on their screaming, whining habit. I don't mean I will let the rest get away with stuff but if I try to extinguish this loveliness from everyone at the same time, it will probably only leave me screaming and whining. Chillax people!!! I will have to do a combination, wash the floors if you whine, with "yay, you get a star for making it through an hour without whining or screaming!"
It is the vast quantity of little buzzards, conspiring to suck the life out of me, which is the most challenging. Focusing and finishing anything seems hampered by all the interruption so somehow I hope to make some progress on all of this for everyone's sanity. I know! I can carry treats in my pocket and when they illicit the proper response to my experiment, they get a treat! Facepalm. Breathe.
In light of little screamers, I pondered how to extinguish this behavior for increased peace around here. Yesterday I was pretty much intolerant of this behavior and had children washing floors, running around the house and sitting on their beds to do their own pondering. It got a bit ridiculous so my revised plan is to pick a kid and try to assist one at a time to work on their screaming, whining habit. I don't mean I will let the rest get away with stuff but if I try to extinguish this loveliness from everyone at the same time, it will probably only leave me screaming and whining. Chillax people!!! I will have to do a combination, wash the floors if you whine, with "yay, you get a star for making it through an hour without whining or screaming!"
It is the vast quantity of little buzzards, conspiring to suck the life out of me, which is the most challenging. Focusing and finishing anything seems hampered by all the interruption so somehow I hope to make some progress on all of this for everyone's sanity. I know! I can carry treats in my pocket and when they illicit the proper response to my experiment, they get a treat! Facepalm. Breathe.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Overwhelmed
It is amazing to me how fast I fall into being overwhelmed by the tasks at hand with this bunch of kids. I begin the day a rational being and then an hour or so goes by and just being conscious and looking around the house brings out the ADD in me and "how in the world to prioritize THIS day?" syndrome. The hubby fashioned a crude bookshelf for the basement over the weekend and I can not wait to tackle getting books and such off of surfaces and filling that puppy up. Many thanks for the shelves!!!! I attempt the FlyLady principles but still can't quite get taking one thing at a time. I am not sure how other people get a handle on their large families and I don't suppose their plights are much brighter. Turning my head to prayer helps and staying on top of food in their bellies also helps. Taking one hour at a time is a nice goal. Not starting new projects before the present projects are done also helps but of course is not as fun. Self discipline. Ugh. Breathe. Focus on what is going right. Hugging and squeezing the baby helps too. Onward.
Monday, November 14, 2011
FlyLady is a swear word at times. But at other times she is a Godsend. If I cannot manage to get my oafy self off the couch, the FlyLady has been assisting me in at least giving goals and direction. This does not always work for me but at times it has been a huge help. Ongoing battles with depression keep whacky me from taking care of things like I should and also fighting the weight of all of that frustration leaves one feeling a bit befuddled at times. So.....I re-signed up for the FlyLady to fight the good fight. I can't believe I am writing this but whatever. I also can not believe I am the only person in this boat. So at least if there is someone telling me what to do, I might do it. It is making a difference so far. No one else is me but me and no one else can help get me moving besides me. Blah, blah, blah.
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