Family women

It's our youngest daughter's birthday tomorrow.  This week is the first time in eighteen years, that we won't have two sisters at home and Ingrid will be alone in the fort.   She isn't completely alone, as she has me, but with three brothers still in the roost, it still will be a lot different.   I hope that she and I will be able to keep each other encouraged with the feminine side of life and support in the sea of testosterone.  

I can already see her gravitating more to me, since her next oldest sister was dropped at school last week.   More hugs, more visits to mom in the evening, more of myself getting a lump in my throat with changes in the family.   She will actually receive more from me than her sisters did, since more have flown the coop and I can focus more on individuals.   I'm sorry for the parts of me which weren't able to invest a bit more with the others, but there again I'm not as each scenario has is plusses and minuses.   We are all very good at getting down on ourselves, or at least I am, and fail to see the benefits to those situations which have been challenging in our past.   I can't assume that my little family of four at home, will not thrive with the new dynamics.   I hope the last four kids can finish off my career of at home kids with a bang.  

Everything gets a bit better when I praise, pray and give thanks and remember who has walked along the way with me.   It isn't all or nothing.   I'm probably too aware of all the nuances and second guess myself more than I should.   Ingrid will get the best of her mom which is now and the family girls hopefully will feel bonded together.  

And so it goes.  

A Tribute to Gil the fish

A few days ago, my beloved Gil breathed his last.   Gil was the best goldfish a woman could ask for.   I am pretty sure he was seven or eight years old when he passed.    Sigh.   Such a good fish.

He started his journey as a little fish in our fairy garden in our backyard.   I had made a little tiny pond in the little tiny garden with an air pump to keep the fishies alive.   There were five in the beginning.   Five adorable, lovely fish.   They arrived sometime in June.   Everything went smoothly for awhile.   I would walk outside and hear the little bubbly noise of the water from the wittle pond which of course was so very relaxing and what every American should experience.   I was feeling great and I was feeling fine.   Gil and his friends swam happily together eating mosquito larvae and living the good life.  

One night a few days later....I discovered two of the cute little fellows had gone missing.   The kids were distraught when they found out.   We assumed a neighboring cat got hungry but in hind sight it was more likely a raccoon.   They died a violent death for sure.   We did catch some raccoon that summer but we will never know what exactly happened.   I try not to think about it very long.

The rest of the summer passed and at summers end, only Gil remained.   The weather was getting a lot colder so we decided it was time for him to move inside.   There were no fish bowls kicking around so I made a trip to WalMart to get the necessary supplies.   So many choices of colored rocks and little plastic pirates!   I settled on the blue, pink and green rocks and the standard fish bowl.  You know the kind you can carry around in elevators and to appointments and such.  I passed on the plactic pirates as being a bit to cheesy.

The adventures we had with Gill.   Sigh.   Such sweet memories of Gil on the shelf and having our very own cat Scout regularly visit for a drink of water and a cat's equivalent to TV watching, peering at Gil through the glass. They had such a great friendship. I think they did....pretty sure.....  Gil must have had incredible trust to not have heart failure after some of these visits but the cat respectfully drank the water and I never saw her reach in.  She just day dreamed about it.  

Years literally passed and Gil grew in size and stature.  He was also joined by some of the other survivors from future summers.   I couldn't bear putting Gil back outside again so his  gallon bowl housed about five other fish who joined him through the years, from what I can remember.    Eventually he and his friends got so so big it was time for them to get a new pad.  The standard fish bowl is only one gallon.   I found a square tank on Amazon which had a nice filter and pump setup and they finally had more space to move around.   I have no idea how six fish were surviving in a one gallon bowl but they did.  Ah....space.   So delicious and refreshing to see them moving about together.  

Several more years went by and they all grew in size and stature.   My brother was marveling at them all squishing in their five gallon tank and staying alive.   What goldfish could survive such a squishy environment?   He let me know that he had fifty gallon tank sitting in his backyard which he could reseal and check for leaks.   Fifty gallons!   We've traveled huge tank land before,  but decided that I would accept his offer and make room for the goldfish to move up in the world to a fish palace! Wow.  

I can be glad at heart to know that Gil spent his last few years in enough space where he could find some quiet time away from his friends.   They totally loved their new pad.   The TV screen for the cats and children was incredible.   Sigh.   I tried to remember to feed them regularly and mostly keep up with the care of the water and filters.   Such a glorious fish life.

A few weeks ago I noticed Gil was spending a bit more time resting on the bottom.   I was a bit concerned but figured it was just a coincidence he was still there most of the time.   When I put food in the tank he would still swim to the top.   Then the other night.....choke......he was laying on his side and had labored breathing.   My poor Gil!   I wasn't sure what to do as I am not a fish expert.   I couldn't take him out back with a 22 but I had to do something.   He was clearly suffering so decided to take him out and hold him in his last minutes.   Did you know fish can breathe outside the tank for a long time???!!!!!   Well they can.   He couldn't move anymore so I knew it was for the best but seriously, watching him breathing every so often and staring blankly ahead was pretty hearth wrenching.  My son was crying.    Two of the kids sat with me and we talked about all our memories of Gil through the years.  Finally Gil breathed his last.   We wrapped him in a little cloth and took him back to the fairy garden where he had lived his first summer with us.   The kids dug his grave and put him in.   My son placed a rock over where he was buried and we will always remember him when we occasionally make it down to the fairy garden for some weeding.  

 He lived at least seven years and I wouldn't trade them for anything.   I still look for Gil in the tank.   Nothing will ever be the same in that tank without him.   Goodbye Gil!   You were the best!

Chicago - where did you go????

Smile.   I spent the day with my mom in Chicago today wandering around a bit and then going to a symphony concert.   The symphony was great of course.   The wandering was a bit depressing.   There is really nothing left of what I knew and loved about Chicago back in the day.   At least there is nothing left in the old down town area.   There IS the CSO but there is no more Carson's or Carl Fischer, the Berghoff is changed.  There used to be great music stores and a large CSO store.   Gone.   There were about ten shoe stores in a row.   Um.   There WAS a Walgreens, CVS, Starbucks on seemingly every corner, Panera Bread, and one large Sears store.    These seem like places I can go to here.   There was only one store that I had the chance to visit which was interesting and that was an architecture themed store on Michigan Ave.  There are only a few real, unique restaurants.   I am not really sure what attracts people to downtown anymore other than the museums and concerts.    Those are good things of course but I miss the old Chicago.

Perhaps someone can enlighten me as to what there is to go see the next time I go.