Sleeping potion

Several months ago I was wearily wanting my kids to just go to bed.  I'd spent all day with them, talking etc., reading to them, listening to the chirping of their pretending in the other room, and frankly wanting some selfish quiet time.  I don't remember when exactly I remembered the spray bottle of scent from Bath and Body, but the word SLEEP jumped out at me.  They carry a line of aromatherapy products and I have had this bottle called sleep for years!    It came to me that I could tell the kids it was sleeping potion and spray them right before bed.  

The kids were giddy!   They got sprayed and pretended to be immediately effected and then they went off to bed with a smiles on their faces.  It was a welcome change.

That was several months ago, and somewhere along the line we stopped doing this.  We are back to kids dragging their feet when told to scoot off to bed.  This drives a parent nuts.  It isn't news it drives us bats.  The words, "I just need a few minutes to call my own!", want to escape my mouth.  So......where did I put the sleeping potion??!!!    Today I am going to find that stuff and reinstate sleeping potion time again.  I made a little mental note too that they would do better if I tucked them in bed at night as they love that and THEN spray them with sleeping potion.  Their rooms will smell better too.  Nervous giggle.

Bath and Body or your local lavender farmer will supply all your needs.  Sleep well!

Kids are normal

The phrase that kids will be kids is so true.  I'm trying to wrap my head more around this when finding messes and taking it all less personally so hat maybe my marbles will stay somewhat together.  A lot of thing in life are just normal.  The toddlers rearrange the house as a regular rule in the name of curiosity.  The energy of pre adolescents can amaze us.  The ability for them to bypass messes is really normal.  It doesn't really matter to them.  They are not of an age to understand the value of what food costs or whether a cup has sentimental value to you as it gets broken.  These events are not personal threats to you.

I can mentally understand the concept of oblivious accidents and messes and even remind other parents of the same.  The puppy dog eyed five year old who might have spilled twenty pounds of oatmeal on the floor really wasn't trying to upset his mom.  So why can't I always recognize this for myself.   Giving kids to do lists without believing they have secret meetings to make you crazy by ignoring you.  The behavior is just normal.

I want to remember this to lower my own stress and just simply have normal cleaning times and lists without internalizing it all.  Every normal child has waited to the last second lest they've discovered.   I remember doing it.  I was an expert.  I was normal.  So talented too I'm sure.  I fought with great skill with my brother and I'm not sure how we made it out alive.   Such awesome memories.

Moving forward with today's tasks and routine is just normal too.   I can't add anything more to our live or implode.   Yeah.  That is a thing.  I do hope that improves as the littles get older so exploring other activities doesn't add to my work load but for now I will just try to be at peace with the normal which is mine.

Learning together and not panicking together

There are all these subjects I'm supposed to get to with my crowd at home.   I personally just want them to know how to learn.  It is a challenge not to panic.  I know I don't want to sign my name on a diploma which does not include the bases covered so there in lies the challenge.  I truly believe that if kids acquire the skills of curiosity and how to find out information then they will be able to do whatever is laid before them.

I'm currently puzzling over how to cover he sciences even though they know a lot just by experience. Math seems to shadow everything for attention.  Grrrrrr.   Apologia is really college level and very time consuming.  I suppose I could pick out some of the chapters and not feel pressured into doing it all.  If the student has an affinity for the sciences then they can forge ahead.  I do not remember science being that in depth in high school so why kill the day going nuts over this time.  I'm thinking this through while writing as time is of a premium for me.  

I am fighting the panic as I have two kids still working on transitioning to being more confident readers and an older kid who struggles with approaching directions on his math and grammar lessons and I need him to gain confidence in those areas.  It......can......get.......overwhelming.  

We love our group time reading books together and I think everyone would love to just stay there.   Perhaps biology needs to become a family project in order to get it done.  Why not.  We can hang together with the sciences and get through.   I think I'm going to give this thought a whirl.  The younger kids love learning so I can't magi be they would be turned off by this.  I want a plan which requires more hands on experience I think.  If I could find an older text book it probably would just move along better than Apologia.  Why do we all use Apologia as if more is better for our young people.   Sigh.  I will never get the kids through all that is expected if we have to do it perfectly.

This is just me thinking this through.

Building blocks of Home Educating

Teaching your little people requires patience and viewing little bits of progress as the recipe to success and even fun times between the parent and the child. With a wee little one, the time that is taken to teach them to sit through a board book and finally stop flipping the pages, leads to being able to sit through all of the book.  The child's attention span increases as the level of complexity of a book increases.  This is NOT twaddle but learning.

Math for a little involves beginning with board books and all of life during the day.  Simple counting of things like stairs, stuffed animals, blocks going on a block tower is math.  Counting peas and potatoes.  You don't have to be neurotic about it but there are opportunities to ease kids into listening, learning, and most importantly the ability to sit still and pay attention.  Do little people HAVE to sit still?   No, but it seems to me that even those kids who are defined as hyperactive, can be trained to temper their wiggles bit by bit as the parent cranks up the time paying attention slowly, having patience to let time pass and attention increase.

What a parent shouldn't do is expect their little people to go from never sitting in anyone's lap listening to stories to instantaneously expecting them to be able to listen to chapter books.  That is unrealistic.     It is similar to learning an instrument.   You begin at the beginning, learning notes and practicing and it takes time to make progress.

Hope this pondering is helpful to someone.  I just think it is wise to break down the learning process so that learning is just a natural thing.  More later......

Random parenting thought

Few things peeve me more than when a parent discusses their child's behavior with another adult in front of the child or their siblings.    Imagine for a moment if we discussed other adults behavior in front of that adult with a friend.  Um......wouldn't this be really offensive?    A child is a person too and they do hear what we are saying and they do realize they are the topic of scrutiny.    So.......in respect for our kids, perhaps giving thought to the audience of our conversations  might be a good idea.   This mama's fire is lit when other well meaning adults start talking to me about my kids in front of my kids as if they are not able to comprehend what is being said.   Kids are individuals too!   Enough.  I think the point is made.  

Kids have vocations too

I am in the habit of staring at my kids when they are having a rough time and reminding myself of the struggles they have as they are not that different than my own.   Why do toddlers and young kids in general push us to absolute distraction and how to handle behavior out of our control.    Then I remember that I am sure I too have my moments when my family wishes I could pull myself together.   I think my hardest struggle with all my kids, is that they tend to all decide to fall apart all at the same time and then I feel like a fireman trying to get the fire out fast.   My brain goes a bit on overdrive running triage to get them away from each other and away from me til we can actually communicate somewhat calmly and not in frustration.   

Avoiding these lovely moments seems next to impossible but I think they get worse when they are bored or feel somehow lonely and neglected.   My own children seem at their best when we are working on an outside project together orMaybe we misbehave because we are not busy at our vocations????   Feeling a lack of purpose and misbehavior makes a bunch of sense to me.   I can feel my worst when I can't manage to know where to turn first with my vocational duties or have no desire to begin at all.   Once I can get my engines started then life is not as frustrating.   

Kids vocations are equally important to avoiding misbehavior.   If I am not able to do my own vocational duties, is it any wonder the kids become wild animals?   When they are engaged in learning they feel better.   When I can put my own wants aside and read to them, work through their school work sitting next to them and actually being in the house with them......they do better and so do I.   Vocation, vocation, vocation.   Sticking with our God given vocations improves everyone's mood.   Narrowing my focus improves my mood for sure.   

Writing these thoughts out results in my putting it together.....for today anyway......that helping my kids focus on their vocations by actually doing mine and being home helps us all feel a bit better and less fragmented.   The more I can be home the better it is.   Helping my kids see what their vocations are as 'kids' is also helpful.   I do tend to ask them the question, "So, how is that growing up and being responsible for what you are responsible thing going?"    They like this question.   We can have great conversations with this question too.   It isn't me telling me how they are doing but me helping them remember to think about it and helping them to think.   Lots of carefully thought out questions with a child, help them to process how it is going for them.   

Calendars may seem obvious

Calendars may seem obvious to the born organized but they are not obvious to me in parenting the home educated child.   I take pride, too much pride, in bumping along through school life, so if you read that last post and thought "well duh", then you are not challenged like I am to teach calendar organization.

It has been a week now and it is slowly coming to them and to me how this calendar tool can be used.   I have made VERY reasonable requests on their daily routine so far and asked them to simply check their stuff off when it is complete.   Hmmmm....    so far they are not taking me seriously enough.   I now have added that if they get everything done for that day, to put a sticker at the top of that day.   When they ask to do special things, we can take a look at how things have been going along the way and see what is reasonable.   All things fun always seem reasonable to them.

We had a check in last night and it was apparent that it was hard for them to get much done from their list.   We have more talking to do and of course I will reinforce those areas which are getting done.   Slow and steady will win the race.  

Only brush the ones you want to keep

Chasing after all the little things and big things the kids need to be actively doing, can certainly be exhausting.   Teeth.   I have a hard enough time chasing after mine let alone the kids.   My hubby is better at chasing after their teeth and he hasn't been here much.   So I decided, after seeing a woman my age with disgustingly, screaming white teeth, to have a 'get your teeth whiter' contest.   I took pictures of their grins and next week we are going to take some new pictures and see if there is a difference.   I have picked up two minute hour glass timers (or whatever you call them) and that has helped some in the past, but the mere fact that they don't understand the twice a day concept makes me a bit tired.  

My mom, a dental hygienist by trade, seemed to have no trouble impressing upon us the importance of brushing but there were only two of us.   Charley and I have been boosting bottoms up on the counter, changing table, etc. for teeth brushing for almost 22 years and still counting.   The little ones get help and the older ones, we at this point, we can only pray they are chasing their teeth.   I have made the drill noise when asked what happens if they don't brush their teeth better............they have blank faces in return.   I hate that noise.  

It seems we escape the drill mainly for not drinking soda or juice etc.   They also have a mother who is incapable of making them cookies so that is a plus for them and my pocket book in dental bills.   Their father hates gum chewing.   He inherited that loathing from his parents who probably were strictly opposed to gum chewing from the lack of money for that luxury.   That too has helped.

I think I will go brush my teeth now.   Our reward for improvement in teeth brushing has been decided upon too by-the-way.   One package of Oreo cookies to be woofed by the kids who have shown improvement.   Perhaps we will have one package of Oreo's a week to make sure they are keeping up.

Married

My eldest was married three weeks ago.    I could blog a lot on that occasion which was every bit the most wonderful occasion and the simplicity that I love which any mom would wish for her daughter.   She and hubby drove away yesterday after picking up her belongings, or as many as she could find in one day, to continue on their journey to New Orleans.   I cried of course.   Hugged her and wouldn't let go.    I didn't want to let her go but she is not meant to be here with me.   I will look forward to her calls and the interchange we can have with good ol' modern technology.  

It was good to witness her husband preparing to return to work and the seriousness of his vocation.   I don 't think the general population understands the life of a professional musician.   I am glad I get a peek at that as it is sort of brain food to me to ponder what all is involved with a symphony members preparations for the joy of those who come to listen.   I admit, I am sort of jealous.   I love playing in the symphony myself but am no where in the league of Son-in-Law.   Hopefully I will get to hear him play someday.

Speaking of vocations, I myself keep up early to have quiet time and also time to get a few things done without running interference.   Sigh.   Maybe I will blog more again????   It is a journey.

Teaching maturity

Putting behavior in terms of maturity has been my latest mantra with my maturing children.   What does maturing mean?   Considering our own behavior in light of how it effects the other person.....I think.   Will it make my family's load lighter, then in love for my family I might set the table without being asked.   Or I might go change the stinky diaper and not wait to be told.  

My current five year old is one to file this sort of information away and think about it and then give me a report on how he is doing currently.   It is always a random comment not prompted by me, but rather reported to me.   "I am not screaming like I used to Mom."  Yay!   Happy day!   He is considering his behavior.   He still has growing up to do but he has learned to reflect at five on his behavior.  

If I talk to each of them every so often about this concept of reflecting, then when they are doing whatever they are doing, it might run through their mind to think about it.   Asking them how they are doing seems far more effective than telling them how they are doing.   Telling them how I am reflecting on my own behavior also is helpful to them I think.  

What I want to avoid though is everyone in the family comparing how the other is doing to everyone else.   This is when my head might hit the table but we all do this and I tell them so and try to steer them back to what they are responsible for.   Parenting is a lot of work.   It exhausts and challenges our patience.   I am grateful for the sleep I manage to get to recharge my batteries and try again the next day.   Pushing myself and then pushing them to keep working on their vocations and run from their entertainment probably should become a sign on my forehead to remind me of what *I* need to do.   Run from entertainment.   Yes.   Sigh.   Easier said then done.  

Now I am rambling and thinking on how this is entertaining so will now run away.  

Why was I worried???????

Once upon a time, I had a little boy who was slow to learn to read, didn't know his colors until he was at least 6, couldn't count to 40 to save his life until.....8???   This is what my memory remembers.   Bookish work was very tedious and confusing.  He was very much picked on.   Social was a challenge.  

 I also have a bunch of other memories of this same boy.   This is the same boy who after we toured the U.S. North Carolina, when he was about five years old, built a model of it complete with floors, bunks and a galley.   It was very cool.   He worked diligently and carefully.   The same boy searched for hours on end for fossils in the driveway, pinned bugs for 4H,  He taught himself how to blacksmith, built huge forts in the woods, studied antique tools and life back in the day till he could probably teach a course.   All of those things were amazing to us but we were frightened of facing academia.   They were an issue for him too.   Tests.   Yuck.  

We chose to home educate mainly because of our dear son.   He most likely would have been put in some sort of special ed class.   Well.......this same boy now works for the same company as Charley as a technician and in the course of one year has become an expert and is teaching seasoned technicians what he does and how.   He traveled to Detroit yesterday to spend a few days training other people.   His dad describes him as brilliant and amazing and well liked by everyone.   He has no technicians certificate but teaches those who are getting one.   He is 19 and younger than all of them.   Just a little bit proud of my boy.  

Why was I worried????

Rorschach game we made up

The little kids don't know what a Rorschach drawings are but that is what I would call the new game they play with me.    They have one of those toys where you can draw something on the board and then move the lever across to erase it.   So now they draw something on the board and have me guess what the drawing is.   They love it and they have funny times with mommy.   Stefan and Ingrid came leaping out of bed to play this with me this morning.   They are getting pretty creative with what they come up for drawings too.   The game is just something new and easy to play.  

Promoting the generation gap

I live in my own generation gap with oldest and youngest child 19 years apart in age.   I was looking up the latest on helping kids with diarrhea and other such loveliness and my head could have hit the table.   When Anna was the wee one, we were told to not give them milk products and  use the B.R.A.T. diet.   Hmmm.....well, now they are saying the B.R.A.T. diet actually makes them feel worse and that milk products do not have to be withheld.   Do you know what this does to the generations?????   I suppose with a nineteen year gap I will more easily be able to smile and wave when grandchildren come along as I will take no offense at the latest and greatest child rearing methods.   I've seen it all and seen it all again as it cycles around.

   I remember the audacity of my mother and mother-in-law suggesting I let my child cry it out while I kept my babies near and dear and wondered if my first child was permanently damaged by my doing this to her around six weeks of age.   Now there are definitely two camps in the sleep in or sleep separately camp.   Shouldn't the new advice be, 'do whatever doesn't make you have a nervous break down honey, I don't really care?'   

It just seems that Americans goal is to make each other crazy with all the different ways they SHOULD be doing things.   What????    I am sure the phrase, "none of your business" did not pick up speed till the neighborhood fence was bypassed by the telephone operator.   Party lines......yep, they were a party.   In America, your business seems to be everyone's business if you let it be that way.    

I admit I was influenced quickly by the article suggesting I not withhold the milk products seeing as the two year old could only keep begging for milk. I admit I might get peeved if he throws up all over the place in five minutes, but the logical truth of the article was something about how you can give them starvation diarrhea if they do not get sufficient nutrients.   We shall see......literally......if I love this advice I hope not to see too much.  

Nap time.......

Antiscreamotics

This is the flip side of yelling at kids to *get them* to stop doing whatever they are doing which is frustrating.   My younger kids were getting more and more antsy and screaming and whining more and more in the last few months.   It was admittedly hard to listen to.    What I saw happening was that the younger kids were being left in the dust as schooling with the older children got better and better.   This is a challenge of homeschooling a large age span.   Small children do get more whiny and scream the more there isn't time for them.  

I jokingly asked our doctor if he had a prescription for Antiscreamotics.    Well, my own medicine for the little peeps was to recognize how their buckets were not getting filled.   A concerted effort to spend time with the younger ones even if it is more difficult to get things done has actually helped eliminate the screaming.   Snuggling with their little selves, reading to them, gardening with them,singing hymns with them and even taking one of them with on errands has gone a long way to lower their own frustrations.  

I am a question asker too.   Asking even small questions of the child such as whether they would like to pour their cereal or if they would like me to do it for them.    (Trying to think of an example).   If they are on errands with me, just talking to them about what we see and listening to their jabbering.   These conversations go a long way towards calming their screaming muscle.   Oh.....here is another example which just happened.   Three year old, "Mom, I am done with my banana."   Me, "Now what do you with it?"  Ingrid, "Put it in the trash can."    "Yes."

A recent conversation with one of middlin' kids was about hearing that they are doing something right.   Their grumpy seems to go away just like the little ones,  when they hear what they are doing right and how we are proud of them and love them.    Honestly just the simple declaration of loving them helps both you and the kids.   You and anyone for that matter.    As sinful people there is the sad irony that it is a lot easier to let our family know what they are doing wrong rather than telling them how proud we are of them, that we love them, and also what they are doing right.   

These sort of things are my prescription of Antiscreamotics.   Thanks be to God for Christ's love and forgiveness for US even when we are sinful through and through.  

Child discipline

It is becoming more and more clear to me that many parenting books and people seem to employ a strong level of *control* as a first choice of relating to children.   I can not recall reading much about what goes on the other side in the minds of the children.   I have a tendency to stare at my little people and big people's faces more and more and ponder how they too have emotions and feelings which are real and important.   A person I know was talking about how he thought yelling was an effective way to get a child to listen.   I remember being a child.   I had several teachers who yelled at me  hard and long till I shook uncontrollably  and cried most of the rest of those days.   Yelling.   I never received an apology as you know they were adults and I was only a child who frustrated them apparently.   Just as I remember the yelling so do children who are on the receiving end now.    If adults yelled at each other in the same way I was yelled at then in a public sector, I would imagine they might be looked down on or fired or something.   I am not even sure but I do know that it would certainly shock people.   The yelling which goes on behind closed doors is equally painful to a child and of course to adults who experience the same yelling.  Too much yelling.   I only mention all of this as crying and shaking is the reaction to yelling.   Whether it is outward crying and shaking or inward.   THAT is what a child experiences when yelled at.   

I am not sure what I am really driving at as this has become rambling but seriously, endorsing yelling or control means as a  method to *make* children do what they wish them to do is just disturbing.   Endorsing cheerfulness, willing helpers, talking to children as if they are people (cough, cough), modeling this to children through our own behavior, these are all ways to connect with another person known children.  

My favorite times are just working with my kids on some regular task like sweeping a room or hunting dust bunnies on the ceiling, or doing something more interesting like planting the garden (fun) and exchanging chatter with my excited little ones in the process.   Love motivates.   Love and concern for our neighbor is THE answer.   Yelling tears down and destroys relationships. Controlling chilren and not listening to them certainly does not help either.  Yelling kills really.   Children love to be talked WITH and not at.   Listen to those little ones and all the children who are not so little anymore.  

Sadness to me is the days I can't squeeze in some reading time with my kids.   Reading and talking to my kiddos.   Love your children and your family and friends.   It is a very awesome things.  

A different kind of shut up

I have been observing the dynamics of both parental units of mine and my in-laws and I notice it is sort of a generation of women being men's mommies or at least buying into thinking they need  to remind the men to eat, go to the bathroom, or use their canes.   It just makes me wonder what would happen if the women stopped doing that?   I am certain the Grandpa's are aware of what they need in these departments. 

Then I take a looksie at my own young men and think about how I don't want to train them to need mommies but rather to know how to make decisions of their own, show respect, and not wait to be reminded to do things like make their beds, help clean up a table after a meal, get other people water or offer tea or.....whatever other polite nice things they can do for their neighbors.   Sons show some intuition in living and then the daughters to not treat men like the men are children.    They aren't.   There is of course nothing wrong either in a young lady (or old) to offer a man something to drink, to take their coat, ask if they want to see the newspaper etc.   

How to do this?   Well, at least for my part, I need to show them how by doing it myself.   I also watch and wait to give my kids a chance to figure out what needs to be done without micromanaging them.   The example that came to mind today was when I was at the grocery store with one of my teenage boys and I waited to see if he would help to unload the groceries and to help put them in the cart to be able to go to the car.   He almost passed the test, but what if I had stood there and said, "Please help unload the cart".   "Please take the groceries and put them in the van".    Instead I just took a few bags and put them in the van when we were done, got in the van and let  him figure out what next to do without a bunch of instructions.   Without any instructions really and......lo and behold the young man knew to put them in the van and put the cart away.   Amazing. 

Here ends my thoughts on when to shut up for this day.

Skin to skin

You read about the benefits to an infant to immediately make contact with their mothers (or fathers if the mother. is somehow not able) to warm their bodies and to find security in the warmth of another human being as they begin their little lives outside their mothers.    As I have been staring at and pondering all the humans around me of all ages, I have been considering the benefits of this skin to skin benefit.   Obviously not literally skin to skin but every human benefits from warm, secure, human contact.    It seems a rarity or cast aside in our lives as not a priority as you know, 'we all have things we need to be doing.'    Doing.   I get so weary of doing.   Doing, doing, doing.  

 My three year old has a case of the screamie meanies.    Should I toss her in time out every time she screams???   What if I took her up in my arms and hugged her and spent time with her rather than get her away from me?   Emotional energy comes from emotional support.   Emotional strength and energy comes from contact which helps sooth us and not repel us.    I suppose I could consider how very badly I  need emotional support myself in caring for so many people and perhaps could benefit from time spent with all of my kids and family in a closer way rather than running away.

My nearly fourteen year old has struggled with showing emotion for several years.   It could be mostly from the fact that there are many who need this attention from me.   It makes me sad to think of the time I have not been able to sit with him and make physical contact just by allowing him to be by me.  

We all learn from our experience.   If we experience distance, it takes some time before there is comfort in closeness with other people.   Modeling telling my kids I love them has resulted in a greater ease in them to be able to say it back to me and anyone else they come in contact with who might say that.   It is a long lesson to learn and takes time and patience.  Five years is about how long it took for comfort to seem more natural.     I have no doubt the same will hold true with the kids finding their comfort level in being able to receive the comfort of just having someone give them a hug etc.   This was not modeled for me and it is not something I come by easily.   In fact I feel like somewhat of a dork if anyone other than my nuclear family gives me a hug and even that happens with such rarity (sadly admitting) that if someone else gives me a hug??????   Horrors.   Takes effort and the only way for it to not take as much effort is most likely to come from practicing offering my family and friends hugs?   Sit closer to my kids.   Offer to have my kids cuddle up next to me for reading time more often????    Time.   Patience.   Breathe.   Forgive.   Love them.   

The younger ones

I can't do everything of course but am trying to be a bit more conscientious about spending time with just the little people.   I have noticed especially that the younger ones do not pay as much attention to catechesis in the morning so have been attempting to do this with just the three youngest ones before they go to bed by praying with them and singing a hymn with them.   They love it.   I love it when I hear them singing during the day.   I love it when Ingrid sings the Words of Institution with the Pastor at church.   She is three.   Three year olds are awesome.....a lot of the time.   My five year old Stefan keeps randomly telling me how he is working on screaming and whining less.   I found that an amazing statement.   I told my sixteen year old earlier today in a joking way, that even though his younger siblings can annoy him that he really needs to work on screaming and whining less (said in a quiet tone while looking at him with my 'talking to little people voice).   He laughed and told me he would see what he could do about that. 

Even getting to all of the kids by reading to them is certainly a challenge.   I am reading the nine year old the Narnia books just for him.   Being a sandwich child puts him a bit frustrated at times or at least he senses the older and younger ones pulling me away from him.   I was having the 13 year old read the Harry Potter books to me but that has sort of lapsed.   I suppose I could find another hour or two somewhere to see about that. 

And.....another conscious effort is trying to get the younger half out of the house so the older ones can be home alone with quiet to study.   There is no reason for me not to be able to take the little ones to the places I took the older ones to play at parks, go to the beach or whatever.    Both sides benefit from this set up.   It went very well today and even a child who had a tantrum this morning was 'able' to be left behind with older studying brother as he had no one to bug and pester and quiet time on his hands to ponder his behavior. 

Remembering it all......that is a challenge (understatement).....one day at a time by the Grace of God. 

Not so mysterious behavior

Nine kids.   I have never had kids who have been so plagued by ear infections as the youngest two have.   Ingrid, bless her heart, has the two yuckiest, red ears I have ever seen.   That explains a lot.   I took a peek at them at the doctor's office and they looked pretty blood red to me.   I am not expert but have seen what a normal ear looks like and that is so NOT what I saw.   Sigh.   I suppose this kills my pride of having kids who don't struggle with these things.   She spiked a fever and was laid out this morning and still is fighting the fever even with ibuprofen.   I guess I feel like I should have known something was up from her basic behavior.   It brings back memories of encouraging kids to eat who actually ended up losing their cookies.   There was a reason they wouldn't eat.    There was a reason SHE wouldn't eat which didn't include the losing cookie part but still, she was pretty miserable.   Sigh.  She did sit still for many a book today.  That was good for us both I think.   Praying she feels better in the morning. 

Older Kids

So the time is drawing nigh for me to learn more about keeping the balance between understanding my kids point of view and not cramming mine down their throats.   I can think of several instances with my four and perhaps even with my my fifth kid, where I have had to take a deep breath and remember that their life is not mine.   They are not my property.   It takes me a little bit longer to process how I am going to discuss various things with them which come up in conversation instead of the straight forward comments which are directed at the younger kids, "I think you have had a little accident darling, please go change your clothes."    Life is just not that simple anymore.

Obviously they are different people than I am.   My pride in thinking I understand them can muddy the waters of my mind at times and then I have to switch gears to understanding where they are coming from.   I also have to patiently listen and understand or at least try to come to an understanding of where they are coming from.   I don't always understand but I guess that is okay.   Yes.  It is okay.   I pray for my kids and love them along.   I'm not always patient but try like anyone else.   I also have been challenging them to think by perhaps parenting in a different way.   Learning to ask poignant questions of the younglings is a new skill I am working on.   How do I help them to think.   They don't have to agree with me but I do want them to think and also be able to see other people's perspective.   This is tough. 

Funny it has occurred to me that my kids think they understand everything about me too.  I am their mother after all and they know me right?   Well, actually I can think of several instances lately when I could tell they did NOT understand where I was coming from and ya' know what?   That was okay too.   The journey just gets more interesting as I go along.   I am sure too that I I have not seen the end of this experience and hopefully will learn more from experience.