Admittedly the new conductor of the CSO is great. You can sense and see him pulling everyone in to play their part and make each piece what he visions it to be or rather what he hears in his mind he wants it to be. No doubt a conductor's mind is pulled in many directions as he works his way through each piece.
I was thinking about how I feel much like a conductor when it comes to my orchestra, my family. We are made up of many different players and talents. I know family's individual strengths and challenges much like I am sure a conductor knows the strengths and challenges of each instrument and player. To poke fun at myself, will the the horn player fumble the solo part? Who should play it? Can the violins tone it down so the flute part be heard? Quiet them down so the smaller section can shine. This all resonates with my life. I actually enjoy figuring this all out. The family members compose their own pieces in their own vocations and I help them as I can along the way.
If the family orchestra is out of tune, then I am faced with how to help them harmonize better and not hurt the audience and each other with their dissonance. The dissonance can send me off the edge honestly. Dissonance and vying for fist chair. With soon to be 14 members, bumping around together we all will have to learn even more how to work together and harmonize.
Conducting class is an ongoing process for me. I screw up. I get worn out and need a vacation but my vocations keep me plugging along most of the time. I can't apply for a new position in a new orchestra and I doubt that what I wear charms anyone into listening or harmonizing any better. I am......a mom. A wife. The conductor of this varied and multifaceted group. They don't always appreciate what I have to say or ask them to do. I am still a member of the orchestra called family too. I am not just the conductor. I will try hard to find days where I can just sit and listen to another orchestra performance but in the meantime, I will try to hang onto my position here and continue my efforts to help this ensemble play well and nice together.