The hard questions

Everyone is concerned about my dads eating or lack of it including me of course.  I sat with him for at least two hours talking about the food and why it would be good to eat more.  I tol him it would help him feel better many times and he would take one or two bites.  He will not let anyone feed him.  When you say  "You should eat some more dad" he asks why.  He hates all of this.  When he expressed not knowing what to do with himself during the day all I could do as encourage him to do those things he's always done such as reading and listening to music and watching TV at night.  He mostly wants to sleep and I can understand that too.   Lifting a persons spirits who can't remember the names of basic things or the people he spent time with at the university and church has got to be pretty confusing and discouraging.

I hope to go soon with a friend and play my horn a bit for him.  I hope that helps a bit.  Otherwise I would just like to spend time with him and normalize our time together by just being there reading and whatever we would have done in his living room.  Pondering what people do as a matter of course in life rather than talking him like crazy requiring answers sounds like plan.  I personally can go nutty when people ask me tons of questions which require me to reply.

Today I am at home playing catch up.

Sweet tea

My father dear is terrible at staying hydrated so the funny to me from the other day as he walks through dementia, was watching him chug down two big glasses of sweet tea.  My face probably gave away my surprise.  My Yankee mother never made sweet tea but the nursing home does and perhaps it will give him some time to visit with family and feel a bit better.   I find it sort of amusing. He always was the best patient of the doctor about following diet restrictions for blood pressure etc so dementia perhaps has allowed him throw caution to the wind since it simply tastes good to him but he can't tell me what it is he is drinking.   His food might become more appealing too?  I don't know.  One day at a time will tell so will try not and think about that too much.

Writing it down

I am frequently reminded lately of the transitions all around me in my life and in friends lives.   Births, graduations, weddings and funerals do happen all the time but I am the meat in the sandwich right now so it is all pretty intense.  Either that or I am just more attuned to it.  All of the grandparents are still living and I want to write down my thoughts etc as we walk this road.   A friends mother recently died and I saw her and didn't even offer my condolences.  Ugh.

 Everyone is mostly quietly walking along through this life journey and we care for each other even if it is through a quiet prayer of thanksgiving or plea for mercy for them.  I tend to pray these things as I see them in passing and they are having a rough time.  If I go to a wedding I know better the flux they are going through as their children move to the next stage of life.  It is a new stage for the parents too.  Reading of my friends coming home from their kids weddings to quiet.  Sigh.  It isn't too quiet here yet at my home and only have one chick flown to her own husband and now baby girl, but I being a people watcher, I am sort of quietly aware of those new and different experiences for my friends.

I will keep this going.....my own transition now is my dad's mind failing him.  I am overwhelmed with how had this is to watch.  The daily stress of his caretakers patiently working with him.  My mom took care of him as long as she was physically and mentally able.  I visited him this past weekend in his new home in memory care.  Sigh.  He is so different but glimmers of familiarity.   True grammar nazis will take it to the grave even if the corrected is not making any grammatical errors.   Grammar, grammar, grammar.

To be continued.......