Processing

Talking with people about *stuff* is very important to me. I think it has been important to most. I have a walking partner friend who shares a need to process and so we have for a LONG time taken our 'route' and worked out stuff together. Most of the time we just process what has been on our mind to see how much sense it makes. One or the other spends a lot of time listening and then there is some response. I feel like this is a lost art. When I was younger I had other people who I processed life with. It helped. It also helped 'grow me up' in many ways as in the process of talking, much was realized. Laughing also is helpful.

After some recent, very intense processing lately, it helped me to see how beneficial this really is for our overall sanity. It helped me realize also what was missing in some of my children's lives where most of the communication is on the internet or at least is plugged in some how. If they bottle in the negative, they believe it more and more and dwell on it. If they can release some of their doubts about themselves or worries, then it gets outside of them. They also can hear a response to their thoughts and it helps them to grab perhaps a more positive view of reality. It isn't perhaps as bad as they think it is and they also can hear that they are not the only ones who have had similar fears and worries. They are not ALONE. It seems that facebook, chats, and texting are all a bit lonely or isolated to more superficial things. When I was young, the older people complained about how the phone was not human contact. Human contact is SO important. So in this little musing I have been having with myself and then with my walking partner today, I hope to be able to remind my kids the importance of connecting with other people in a more personal way. It just helps. The walking helps too.

My house will get cleaner

if I keep losing things...........I am making myself crazy and renew my commitment to getting rid of more stuff and actually be able to find the stuff I want and need. I am still selling my stuff on Amazon and I think there is a group of people who know what I have put in 'safe keeping' and that is what they order. They really want me to get my act together and clean this place up more. Right now it is a disaster but my book shelves are getting a good cleaning and my mind has been making a careful study of what in the world I was doing last October. Sigh. I am wondering if I loaned the item to someone stupidly and then forgot???? My hope for today is to not make my family crazy looking for it and then just give up and let the buyer know that it is hiding somewhere in my house and if they can afford to wait a bit longer or not. Giving up sounds more sane and let them just find another seller for now...........hmmmmmmmm.........

Clutter be gone!

Nagging

I have been giving a lot of thought to the futility of nagging. Being a normal human, I have been on the receiving end of nagging for a long time. The funny thing is, nagging and being informed of the obvious usually does not help the receiver. Nagging can be perceived as caring for the person, or "They must need to be told this as obviously they don't already know it."

Take for instance being fat or out of shape. The person who is fat, out of shape, eats poorly is well aware of it. Their brains work the same way everyone else does. You know how it is. Small efforts are made to change eating habits and then the first time they eat a bowl of ice cream or rebel at their lack of vege eating, loved ones love to help us out by nagging. Nagging gives me a compulsion to eat more of it.

Suggestion. Whatever your 'need' is to 'help' other people, instead of helping by stating the obvious, practice saying nothing. Iron their shirts or take out the trash instead. Same with nagging kids. Figure out some way to love them and try not to scream at them for the millionth offense. It is far more helpful. How about, "Here Stefan, could you bring me those shoes someone dumped in the living room so we can put them away?" or.......smiling........"hey Benjamin, the kitchen is getting out of control, could you help me dry the dishes if I wash them?". I guess I would call this 'Get off your butt loving". Getting off our butts is far more effective than any amount of yelling or nagging. Just saying........

Yes, I am guilty of this too. It is just some thoughts on nagging. For the fat people, getting off our butts will help anyway. For those who live with the sorry saps who can not seem to shake the pounds, love them and know how really aware they are of their fatness. Shake your fat prejudice too. That helps bunches. Don't even go on and on about the walk the fat person took and inform them how helpful that was. Really????? That takes all the fun out of it.

FlyLady philosophy works. No martyrs, no nagging, silent processing of the situation, give other people credit for having a brain and to me the best part is the silence and secret of just giving FlyLady ideas a try without making a big deal of it. This is far more loving than yelling and nagging. At least I think so.

A day in the life

Quickie. Today started bright and early so that would explain why I was challenged to keep my eyes open while reading to the kiddos. "You're getting very sleepy Karin......" We got more done today than we have for awhile so that is good. Benjamin is still a challenge to get to but will keep trying. Stefan was delighted to have the snow back so he could go sledding.

Had several nice chats with Anna. The first one she was stressed and the second one she was chipper and happy. :o) I listen a lot. My listening ear is getting a work out lately but that is fine. I was walking with Cindy, my dear friend who just lost her 12 year old daughter, and I have been trying to figure out what this constant feeling has been with me lately. Her daughter dying is still quite a shock in many ways and I *try* to help her process but mostly am her sound board. The way I would describe how I have been feeling is a sort of fresh realization of eternity. We are in eternity and so is her daughter. She is just in the much easier side of eternity. I am not sure if experiencing sudden loss and the pain that goes with it helps a person to see the truth of the existence of eternity more clearly or what but it is sort of like making a constant sign of the cross lately for me. Sunday was sort of a culmination of much listening and processing and so much of the day I felt I had met all the processing I could handle and didn't even attempt to respond too much to conversation. It just wasn't going to work. My tired brain cells were pretty much just chillin' out and looking forward to some rest. Nine hours of sleep was definitely helpful.

This quickie post became longer so I must put my mind and body to bed for a few more winks before my ears are required again soon enough.

Boys

What is interesting? Um. Oh, I remember. The little boys in Sunday morning Catechesis class are interesting. The little girls pretty much sit with wide eyes and watch the little boys and their antics. If you walk by the classroom before the *teacher* comes, you might see three boys in a heap wrestling each other, much running around and whooping and yelling. Hmmmm.....so scandalous. I, of course, like a good little mommy pop in and give them the eye and suggest they set up the chairs or something. This suggestion might be a mistake as it would give them islands to hop from island to island. Inwardly I am of course smirking.

I was observing my own boys during the service, all six of them......seven counting dh. There was a basic rise in height from youngest to oldest and then a little slide on the other side where da' dad is now shorter than our oldest boy. I try hard not to observe whether they need a haircut or become distracted by their cuteness but I have a fondness for those boys.

Back to the little boys in class. Well, there are at LEAST ten of them in there and three or four little girls who always sit together safely near the teacher. I was joking with another mom about sugar and spice. The little boys and their puppy dog tails....yeah.......perfect description. After a long service I am certain it is a challenge for any of them to sit still. My best laid strategy is to recommend they do NOT sit next to their siblings. It is wise that they get to act out the story. They range in age from four to 9ish. They love each other. We will all try to help them behave but.....there is still just a tad of 'boys will be boys' that is difficult to squelch. Perhaps I will take them on a walk around the block, or perhaps a jog, in between church and Sunday School hour. It might help us all. They're trying.

What's for breakfast

Eating words. Ha ha. I AM laughing at old posts. Yes, got out of debt last fall and now tripping back into it. At least I can laugh about it. Hopefully we will crawl back out of it after the taxes are done, some syrup is sold (?), I sell some more of all the books I have stupidly bought and will never have the time to read, and.....and.......um......I don't know what else. Life happens obviously.

Another old post which amused me this morning was about helping the dad not be overwhelmed by his family when returning from work. Clearly *I* forgot that goal and had to come back to that realization only a few months later as if it were a new thought. This would be in the muddle, muddle department.

I guess this is one reason I like to blog. I can look back and see the progress or lack of it. Keep laughing. I don't blog for anyone else really, just a sort of processing place.

Loving the silence

We have a wood stove which has been running since sometime in October. It was warm enough yesterday to just let the fire go out. My ever creative husband keeps our whole house warm with this thing with a combination of fans. The noise is just constantly there. We are all warm enough but the fans..... Once we turn the fans off we are stunned by the silence. We did not start a fire last night so I am still enjoying the silence. Aaahhhhh!!!!!!!! Silence is spring to me but I am sure we will have to turn them back on again soon.

Indulge me

Forgive me my sentimentality. Waking up in the morning and wondering how my friends are doing might drive me to a bit of deep heart felt feeling. Oh well. I usually just do that in my head. I know, I know.....it is OKAY to think! Probably just blither blathering now.

In other news, I have been informed I am fat. Hmmmm.......I didn't notice???? That is okay. I still know how to laugh. So I am laughing and giving you all something to laugh about????? Oh brother. Why does anyone think that the person who IS fat needs help to figure it out? Every time I see a sale on larger clothing I just shake my head and tell myself spring is coming. Then I might see if there are any chips and dip around. My kids should be 'doing school' today but instead we are all tired and cranky (not too bad) and waiting for da dad to come home and start tapping the trees to make syrup. We never do things small around here.

After many days of endurance, I enjoyed fresh air with Cindy, laughed and processed, then came home to collapse with the kids and turn my brain off with an old favorite movie. I only worked on the Battle of the Bulge a little and it is not as if I have never fought that fight before so......moral of the story? If you 'notice' I am fat, just smile and wave? I don't know. Been here, done this. Little do people know that I am just laughing about being fat this time? If you morph from being skinny to fat nine times shouldn't you finally learn how to laugh about it?????? I will try hard to hold onto my faculties and not let my mouth return the favor. Smirking and thankful for laughing over others 'concern' for my welfare.

"How could anyone do this without Christ?"

A quote from my dear friend Cindy is my title. She buried a child yesterday. How could she or any of us do any of life without Christ? He is our rock and fortress and our constant strength in ALL times. Burying a child. Sigh. If I didn't know how to faithfully pray before, then I certainly will figure it out better now. Forgive me Lord for all the times I will fail to pray, forget to pray, neglect to pray in the future. I know it will happen. I will forget. Most of my prayers have been groans anyway the last days. They were groans years ago during their dear daughters surgeries. It is a difficult time.

Olivia was 12 and died in her sleep Thursday morning for those who don't know what in the world I am talking about. It seems like it has only been hours since then. Clearly my heart is heavy and all the formalities are done and now it is time to press forward and continue to love and live.

One of Olivia's favorites and her mommy's favorite verse:

And when the fight is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
and hearts are brave again, and arms are strong,
Alleluia! Alleluia!!!!

Oh brother

Some days home school life doesn't seem to work. Everyone scatters to the wind and they can't seem to figure out what time it is. They can't seem to figure out what is eating me when I get frustrated with their disappearing. Little kids get the gumpies and I am at a loss of how to make things better for them. We all need spring to come sooner than latter I think. Sigh. If only there was a reset button to get everyone out of their funk. Perhaps they know how easy it is for me to just give up. Time to round the troops and have a little pep talk. Argh. I guess more floor washing needs to occur. Argh again.

Need more exercise!

Today I went to do one of my favorite pastimes -shoveling snow. I actually do enjoy it but rarely get to do it as I am the kid watcher. I was nice and amused by the fact that one of my dear children thought that I wasn't able to shovel as I am the mom. Cough, cough. Having grown up in Val-pour-rain-snow, I know about shoveling snow. It brought back many lovely memories of stacking the snow high up the sides of the driveway and street and our mailbox peeking out from the snow mounds. Dear child said we didn't have a driveway. Um....yes we did and we didn't have a snow blower either. I saw the snow as a sort of challenge, not to mention part of my addiction to working hard. Thus I love to bike and mow the lawn too. Sweet child must see my obvious feminine attributes as too delicate?????? It was worth a good chuckle as I explained what it meant to clear a path for people to walk. More snow is coming so I am hoping to get the opportunity to do this again. Older dear child could not stop telling me how happy Evan was in my absence. THAT IS good news!!!! The neighbors of said house might get mad as their sidewalks are not clear or.......maybe I will tackle their sidewalks too! I miss sidewalks. People in the country do not have sidewalks generally. I miss them. Roller skates, big wheels clicking around the block, neighbors close by to go and live with after school. Those were the days.

Signed the old person or the never want to get too old to shovel person.

My bathroom floor

My bathroom floor is looking cleaner every day. I have been trying to figure out a way to train my eight year old to stop whining and moaning and then.....it came to me. Every time he whined or moaned when asked to do something or screamed and yelled over some silly thing.........he could wash my bathroom floor! At first he moaned and groaned about having to wash the floor but when I had him rewash the floor for moaning about washing the floor he stopped whining and moaning! Miraculously he is now smiling impishly when he realizes before I tell him, that he might need to head to the bathroom with the toothbrush, rag and bucket. It is working! He is now a happier boy. I am a happier mom. My bathroom floor is cleaner. It is all good.