Friday, June 11, 2010

Humbling times

Creeping up on the ninth month before Horner 9 certainly is an interesting time for me. I think I have always been painfully independent, a self-starter, goal setter and achiever, and I have a spoiled husband who is used to my doing A LOT around the acreage to keep up etc and keep up with the first eight! "Keeping balance" so to speak has certainly been a challenge or at least more of a challenge this time. WHY would I consider asking anyone for help? Why would I consider asking my husband to help more with night time routines? But in reality, I might have to humble myself even more and do just that in the next month or so. When dh helps with night time routines, dinner, pjs, diapers, prayers and matter a factly putting them to bed, the evening is a cinch! But....asking for this help can be ever so humbling for me in light of what I said before.........little miss independence. There are many ways that Christ shows mercy and love to me. I am slow to recognize that and slow to remember. I have certainly received help through others but I think we all have a fierce need to fight this help and remain 'in charge' of ourselves and not let others care for us. We have to 'figure things out' for ourselves and resist the input and help of others.

Our 'mother culture' is such that if we mom's can't 'handle' handling everything, then we have no business having any further children. Hmmm......I have problems with this modern thinking. Communities used to help each other. I read some study that in Asia, to help prevent post-partum depression or basically to just help the new mom, the Grandma's and Aunts etc. would help care for the other children for........ready?.....two months. Wow. That is a lot of rest. It seems the church can do the same sort of thing, but better, caring for body and soul. We provide dinners which is an extremely big help, but I know speaking for this mom, I am hesitant to allow the church family to do more than that. What mom would not be relieved to have this help though. We moms just set ourselves up to 'be able to handle' things ourselves. The Asia study was interesting to me in that there is a LOW incidence of emotional stress in new moms in countries with this help. It was just interesting to me is all.

Older kids. My kids can 'handle' things but I do think that older kids should not ALWAYS bear the whole weight of family additions. The dad is in charge. The mom can NOT do it all. Kids are still kids. We watch them struggle with completing their own responsibilities. They certainly know how to help with their younger siblings but with MOM TOO! I have sympathy for my own children as they help with their younger siblings a lot and are pretty sensitive to the needs of other moms with their kids so........this is yet another reason this mom does not take care of herself or allow others to do so. I should be able to handle it. This is not pick on dad time but there must be SOME reason God made the dad stronger with deeper vocal is just more efficient with their input.

The mom in this country is supposed to either be back on her feet handling things or back at work in a matter of weeks. This is a thinking-out-loud processing moment. Not a request. (That was a backwards statement). Is having a baby or struggling with anything a sign of weakness? a sense yes. Is that okay? Yes! Strong in weakness. Isn't that what we are taught? I think we do not let ourselves and others live it though. Come Lord Jesus!

So I have had many goals to get this house in shape but I realize I need to take all that one little step at a time and chill. If it gets done great. If it doesn't that will have to be okay. I ALREADY HAVE a ninth child to take care of and my independence stands in the way there as well. We can not 'see' the child but I still need to take care of him/her. I am just going to have to swallow my pride and keep things calm and simple. Calm and simple is not the American way. I am looking forward to the new little one and do not want to miss out on the fleeting time that infants are infants. Chill Karin.

Thankful for Christ's love and mercy for even me.

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