Monday, June 20, 2011

Practicing Shut Up

The practice of not yapping just to yap has been weighing in on me wee brain. There are so many instances where I can chose to either respond to something or not. To be clear, this applies to MANY areas.

In parenting, I can chose to micro manage or chose to allow some lee way to see what happens and just not say anything. I complain that they can not think for themselves, but then I do tell them an awful lot in the course of the day. Sometimes it is just more peaceful to not point out their every mistake or what they have forgotten to do. Sometimes it is not worth the stress. This also applies to interfering in every squabble. Why??? I do not have to hover and chime in on everyone's activities. They rarely kill each other anyway.

In wifing. Sometimes if I am being annoyed by whatever I can just.....shut up. Say nothing. It is again more peaceful this way....usually. Is it worth it if sometimes the spouseling is having a cranky moment to interrupt when I too can be a crank???

In friendship. There are those times when I am tired and don't have the energy to participate in idle chatter. Sigh. Sometimes I chose to not engage or add or perhaps I just change the subject....or something. The hardest thing to do is to shut up when assuming comments drift my way and I just don't want to answer or fill them in. Do we have to???? Sometimes the 'shut up' comes in the form of encouraging subjects to be dropped when people are being talked about in the name of care or concern. I have a fresh disdain of this sort of commiserating. Not sure exactly how to explain that but in looking back over the years, plenty is said and has been said between friends, myself included, in griping, complaining, fixing etc which is not really helpful. It ultimately is hurtful. Sigh. So...I steer away from chatter lately.

In acquaintances. I am not required to chime in there either. I am however a magnet for acquaintances to complain to me about stuff. Perhaps they are a little more than acquaintances but telling me stuff about what they don't like etc and just complaining in general about others has resulted in my quietly giving possible other sides to the 'story' which they are complaining about. Complaining is wearing. The trick is not getting my ire up when listening to complaining and laughing about others inadequacies. Sigh again. I have to chose to either ignore, stick up for the person, and not get too ticked off in my response. Fewer words on my part would be my happy middle ground. "Oh really?" might suffice in many cases. Complaining runs amuck lately or perhaps I am just more sensitized to it. We are ALL guilty. If I practice more 'shut up' then I might not hear as much of it. It happens everywhere, grocery store, the pool, church, etc.

So....I have just been pondering the perks of not saying as much anyway as it seems to be less stressful overall. Listening is certainly happening and pondering but avoiding the ire just works better. There is so much noise etc. at home that quiet is okay. Perhaps a craving for the quiet I can get, in just listening and being stiller is what is up with me. I have just been thinking of it as 'practicing shut up'.

1 comment:

  1. Karin, YES. I just love this post. I have been practicing shutting up lately, too, and while it's hard, I am seeing the benefits. Just because it's in your head doesn't mean it has to come out your lips. Often it's better if it doesn't.